DJ Joey B Presents: A Charlie Samuels Top Ten List

What's up, everyone?  Welcome to the party!  And why exactly are we throwing this party?  I'll tell you why!   This is the 500th Studious Metsimus post!  So throw your hands up in the air and wave them around as if you had no concerns!

For those of you who just crashed the party, allow me to introduce myself.  My handle is DJ Joey B and I'm here to put my spin on things.  Today, I have a special 500th post countdown for you.  If you've been listening to your Mets-related news this week, you might have an idea where this countdown is going.

Yesterday, former Mets' clubhouse manager Charlie Samuels pleaded guilty to the Queens Supreme Court, admitting that he made off with over $2 million worth of team memorabilia.  Samuels will be spared having to take a walk down the blue and orange mile, as he will not have to serve jail time for his crime.  However, as part of his punishment, he will be placed on five years probation.  He will also have to pay a total of $59,000 to the Mets, the city and the state, as well as return his collection of autographed items.  Furthermore, he has been banned for life from Citi Field, joining the tens of thousands of fans who have already decided to do the same thing.

In honor (or dishonor, in this case) of yesterday's verdict, I'd like to count down the top ten items Charlie Samuels would have sold if he was still into that "betraying trust/greed is good" thing.  This top ten pretty much spans every era in Mets history, proving that Samuels was an equal opportunity leech.

So get out your leisure suit and put on those boogie shoes.  I'm not just saying that because Charlie Samuels will try to swipe them to list them on eBay.  I'm saying it because we're ready to count things down!


Top 10 Things Charlie Samuels Would Have Sold... (...if it wasn't kinda sorta illegal for him to do)


10. Casey Stengel decoder ring

Have you ever watched old footage of Casey Stengel?  The "Old Perfessor" proved to be one of the best multi-taskers in club history, as he served as both team manager and team butcher (of the English language).  Therefore, it should come as no surprise that a Casey Stengel decoder ring would fetch quite a haul if it were to be sold.  Fans of the original Mets would scoop it up faster than you can say "Metsie, Metsie, Metsie."


9. Signed contract where M. Donald Grant sold his soul to the devil

In 2004, Cubs fans blew up the Steve Bartman ball in an attempt to change their fortunes.  Mets fans should follow suit by burning the contract signed by M. Donald Grant in which he sold his soul to Beelzebub.  The highest bidder for the parchment would get the opportunity to do just that in the hopes that erasing the name of the man who traded away Tom Seaver and was lurking behind the scenes in the Nolan Ryan deal would finally allow the Mets to record their first no-hitter (both Ryan and Seaver accomplished the feat after leaving New York) and their next Hall of Famer (Seaver is the lone player in Cooperstown wearing a Mets cap on his plaque).


8. Lee Mazzilli's game-used pants (circa 1979)

What woman in the late '70s didn't want to be in Lee Mazzilli's pants?  Unfortunately, those pants were tighter than Fred Wilpon's wallet, making it impossible for anyone other than Maz to fit in them.  Therefore, those pants would go to the woman (or man) with the highest bid.  It goes without saying that the pants would look lovely alongside that person's collection of Scott Baio posters and Leif Garrett albums.


7. Nino Espinosa's afro

Do you remember Nino Espinosa's afro?  Charlie Samuels sure did.  Trying to cash in on the latest craze of televising ballplayers' haircuts, Nino's noggin would be shaved in a televised special, with the Brillo Pad locks being sold to the fan with the deepest pockets and the weirdest fetish in recorded history.


6. Doug Sisk pitching video (on Beta)

Here's a little known fact.  Before Tom Emanski became a household name for his defensive drill videos, Doug Sisk tried to do the same with his pitching video.  Two things got in the way of this becoming a must-have video for all baseball fans.  First, although it was recorded in 1984 (when Sisk was still good), it wasn't released until the spring of 1985 (when Sisk was anything but good).  Second, it was only released on Betamax, not VHS.  As such, it has become a rare item that would net a pretty penny and would make a fine addition to anyone's collection.  (Act now and as a bonus, you'll receive the George Foster-helmed masterpiece, "Get Metsmerized", on vinyl or 8-track.)


5. Bret Saberhagen Clorox commercial

It might only be 30 seconds long, but it's half a minute of heaven.  Bret Saberhagen, who once had a squeaky clean image, was spotted doing a squeaky clean ad for Clorox Bleach soon after signing with the Mets in 1992.  Although bleach became synonymous with Saberhagen later on in his Mets career for other reasons, owning this 30-second video (which we're happy to say is NOT on Beta) will brighten anyone's day.


4. Copy of "The Worst Team Money Could Buy" w/special autograph

It's common knowledge that a book signed by its author will be more valuable than a John Hancock-less book.  But what about a book signed by one of its "characters"?  In what was sure to be a true collector's item, Charlie Samuels was looking to part with a special copy of "The Worst Team Money Could Buy", signed by Bobby Bonilla in Bob Klapisch's blood.  No tour guide should be caught dead without one.


3. Moises Alou's unused toilet paper

Prior to becoming a Met in 2007, Moises Alou admitted that he would pee on his hands to toughen his skin.  Therefore, although his pantry was full of toilet paper, he never had any use for it, choosing to use his "handy wipes" instead.  Unlike other players' memorabilia, Alou gave Samuels full permission to squeeze his Charmin from his pantry.  Samuels added a little color to the unused TP to make it a must-have for any Mets fan, especially the flatulent ones.


2. Jonathon Niese's old nose

After Jonathon Niese took plastic surgery advice from a now-former Met who has a big mole on his face, the lefty's old nose became a hot collector's item.  From Joan Rivers to Toucan Sam, celebrities from New York to Sollywood have inquired about the availability of Niese's old schnoz.  Charlie Samuels was expecting this (which is why he asked that former Met to subtly "suggest" rhinoplasty to Niese) so he could reap the benefits from selling Niese's old honker.


...and the No. 1 piece of memorabilia Charlie Samuels would have sold if it wasn't just a little bit illegal right now is...


1.  Fred Wilpon's Sandy Koufax souvenir cup

It's not a surprise that Fred Wilpon has many collectibles of his high school sweetheart.  His closet is full of Sandy Koufax Brooklyn Dodger jerseys and his night stand and medicine cabinet have their share of Sandy Koufax souvenir cups.  Although Samuels was not able to say whether or not the items were game used, he was certain the only place they were found were in Papa Smirk's night stand and medicine cabinet, right next to his collection of Sandy Koufax Kleenex boxes.

Where Have All The Shea Stadium Players Gone?

Since late July, the Mets have parted ways with several players.  First, it was Carlos Beltran leaving his heart in New York to go to San Francisco.  Then Jose Reyes decided to take the money and run the basepaths in Miami.  Soon after, Angel Pagan flapped his wings to the Bay Area.  Even Nick Evans took the job security by signing in Pittsburgh.

What do all these players have in common, including the too-good-for-Triple-A, too-blah-for-the-major-leagues Nick Evans?  All four of them played for the Mets at Shea Stadium.

With the departure of Beltran, Reyes, Pagan and Evans, the Mets are now left with only six players who played home games at Shea Stadium.  The current longest tenured Met, David Wright, played his first five seasons at Shea.  Meanwhile, Mike Pelfrey came aboard for cups of coffee in 2006 and 2007, followed by his first full season during Shea's last year.

The short list of Shea players also includes Johan Santana, Daniel Murphy, Jonathon Niese and Bobby Parnell.  All four made it just in time for Shea's farewell season, but only Santana was on the team for the entire season.  Murphy played his first game at Shea in August 2008, while Niese waited until mid-September and Parnell almost didn't make it in time, not appearing in a game at Shea until the ballpark's final homestand.

There was once another New York team whose stadium was razed.  You might have heard about them.  They played their home games at 55 Sullivan Place.  Still doesn't ring a bell?  Well, I'm sure the patriarch of the Wilpon family will be more than happy to tell you about them in great detail.

Forget "Where's Waldo?".  Let's play "Where's Wilpon?".  You know he's somewhere in this photo.

In 1957, the Brooklyn Dodgers left Kings County to move to Los Angeles.  As late as 1966, there were still five players who played home games at Ebbets Field toiling for the Los Angeles Dodgers.  Those players (Jim Gilliam, John Roseboro, Don Drysdale, Johnny Podres and some guy named Koufax) all remained with the team long after they switched coasts, with Roseboro remaining a Dodger until 1967 and Drysdale playing his final game in Los Angeles in 1969.

In addition, one former Brooklyn Dodger was still playing in the major leagues into the 1970s, finishing his career as a New York Met.  Bob Aspromonte played one game for the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1956, then returned to the Dodgers for parts of two seasons in 1960 and 1961.  In 1971, he became the last former Brooklyn Dodger to play in the major leagues, playing 104 games at third base for the Mets.

Although Bob Aspromonte might be the answer to the trivia question, "who was the final Brooklyn Dodger to play in the major leagues?", to Mets fans, he's known as one of the reasons the team felt the need to trade away Nolan Ryan.

Aspromonte's poor season at the plate in 1971 (.225, 5 HR, 33 RBI), along with the lack of development by third-year player Wayne Garrett, led the Mets to search elsewhere for a third baseman who could hit for average and power.  Their search ended with shortstop (not third baseman) Jim Fregosi, at the cost of Nolan Ryan.  Fregosi's time as a productive hitter pretty much ended there as well, as did the career of the last Brooklyn Dodger.

Johan Santana was the last Mets pitcher to record a win at Shea Stadium.  Now he's left to wonder if he'll also be the final current Met to have played his home games there.

With his recent injury history, Johan Santana is doubtful to be a Met after his current contract expires in 2013 (although there is a club option for 2014).  Similarly, David Wright is only under team control until next year.  If Mike Pelfrey doesn't return to form, he might be writing his ticket out of New York as well.

Do you see where this is going?  There is a real possibility that within six or seven years of Shea Stadium's final game, there might be no one left on the Mets who could say they were there when we all Shea'd Goodbye.

Nearly a decade after Ebbets Field closed for good, several former Brooklyn players still had "Dodgers" emblazoned on their chests.  Less than half a decade after Shea shut down, the number of players who could call it home is dwindling to a precious few.

Where have all the Shea Stadium players gone?  If things don't change, there will be none left very soon.

What Do Jeremy Lin And Jon Niese Have In Common?

What do Knicks' starting point guard Jeremy Lin and Mets' starting pitcher Jonathon Niese have in common?  Let's see.  They're not the same age, as Lin was born in 1988 and Niese's mom got over her pregnancy on the night the Mets won the 1986 World Series.  They're also not the same height, as Niese is one inch taller than Lin.  Jeremy Lin is a righty, while Jonathon Niese is a lefty.  Okay, so what do they have in common then?

The answer is NOTHING!  But they should have something in common, even though the Mets aren't exactly doing anything about it.

Earlier today, Madison Square Garden and other sporting goods stores started selling Jeremy Lin jerseys.  This comes after Lin's recent stretch of excellence in which he's carried the Knicks to four consecutive wins, including Friday night's game against the Lakers.  Let me remind you that these four straight victories are the only four games Lin has started for the Knicks.  But despite the tiny résumé, Lin is now having his jersey sold at the Garden.

There is no truth to the rumor that the Knicks will retire No. 17 for their floor captain before the Mets retire No. 17 for their first captain.  Of course, that could always change.

That brings us to Jonathon Niese.  Niese will be entering his fifth season as a Met, his third as a regular member of the starting rotation.  He is one of only six players left on the Mets who played for the team at Shea Stadium (the others being David Wright, Mike Pelfrey, Johan Santana, Bobby Parnell and Daniel Murphy).

Niese made his final start for the Mets in 2011 on August 23 before missing the rest of the season with an injured ribcage.  At the time of his injury, Niese was leading the team in wins (11 - tied with Dillon Gee) and strikeouts (138).  Eventually, he was surpassed in wins by Gee and strikeouts by Chris Capuano, but still finished second on the team in both categories.

Although Niese is only 25, he is already 43th on the Mets' all-time wins list and 39th in strikeouts.  With a healthy season in 2012, Niese could jump into the top 25 in both categories.  He's already in the top ten in strikeouts per nine innings, as his 7.6 K/9 IP is the eighth best ratio in franchise history, ahead of such stars as Tom Seaver (7.5 K/9 IP) and Johan Santana (7.4 K/9 IP).  He's also improved every year in strikeout to walk ratio, from 1.38 K/BB in 2008 to a career-best 3.14 K/BB in 2011.

And of course, on the individual game front, Niese came within one Chris Denorfia double of pitching a perfect game in 2010.  Perhaps had he retired Denorfia, we would have had Jonathon Niese No. 49 jerseys printed up immediately.  But alas, he did not.  We're still waiting for those No. 49 jerseys.

Since Jason Bay became a Met in 2010, I've seen No. 44 jerseys and T-shirts for sale at Citi Field.  The one place I haven't seen them is on the backs of Mets fans.  Meanwhile, Justin Turner, a player who wasn't even a homegrown Met, had his No. 2 T-shirt for sale at Citi Field.  Even Sandy Koufax, who never played for the Mets, and whose 9-10 career mark as a Brooklyn Dodger (the same record Jonathon Niese had for the Mets in 2010) was less than extraordinary, had a replica jersey for sale at Citi Field last year.

Do you think Fred Wilpon wears these to bed at night?

Jose Reyes is gone.  So are Francisco Rodriguez, Carlos Beltran and Angel Pagan.  All four players had their merchandise for sale at Citi Field in 2011.  With their departures, there will now be some real estate available at the Team Stores.

It's time for Jonathon Niese No. 49 apparel to go on sale at Citi Field.  If Knicks fans can proudly wear No. 17 Jeremy Lin jerseys after only four starts, why can't Mets fans do the same for Niese, a homegrown player who's been with the team since 2008?  Lin and Niese need something in common, don't you think?

Pat Burrell Retires: Who Will Be The New Met Killer?

There have been many players in history who have had good careers but turned it up a notch whenever they played the Mets.  For example, former Giants pitcher Mike Krukow had a decent career in the major leagues, going 124-117 in 14 seasons.  However, against the Mets, he pitched like Cy Young, going 22-7.  Krukow did not defeat any other team in the National League more than 13 times.  And who can forget the quiet dominance of PSSST (otherwise known as the Pitching School of Smiley, Smith and Tomlin)?

In the early '90s, the Pirates' trio of John Smiley, Zane Smith and Randy Tomlin were mediocre to poor against all other teams that didn't have blue and orange in their color scheme, but they morphed into Greg Maddux (the all-time leader in wins against the Mets) whenever New York came to town.

Smiley, Smith and Tomlin combined to go 223-237 over their major league careers against teams that didn't have Mr. Met as their mascot.  Of course, against the Mets, they were 33-19.  Tomlin was the big surprise of the trio.  Against the Mets, he was a perfect 9-0 in five years in the majors.  He won a grand total of 21 games against everyone else (against 31 losses).

As far as hitters go, all I have to say is "La-a-a-a-rry" and you know which Met nemesis I'm referring to.

That brings us to Pat Burrell.  In 12 years in the major leagues, Burrell was a decent power hitter, slugging 292 career home runs.  However, against the Mets, Burrell was Babe Ruth.  The former Phillie played exactly one full season's worth of games against the Mets, batting against them in 162 games.  In those games, Burrell socked 42 HR.  His second-favorite team to homer against was the Florida Marlins, but he only took them deep 26 times.

Earlier this week, Pat Burrell retired from baseball at the age of 35.  Although there is now one less Met killer to worry about, that doesn't mean there aren't any others waiting in the wings to take over for Burrell.  Here are the candidates that the Mets and their fans should worry about:

Corey Hart

The Bernie Brewer lookalike has never been more than a decent hitter in the major leagues, batting .277 in eight seasons.  However, against the Mets, Hart is a .317 career hitter.  Although he has only started 28 games versus the Mets, Hart has scored and driven in nearly a run per game (24 runs, 23 RBI), while launching six home runs.  Hart suffered from various nagging injuries in 2011, but in 2010, he torched the Mets for four homers and 12 RBI in only seven games, which included a walk-off homer and a six-RBI game.

Troy Tulowitzki

The Mets should count their stars that Tulowitzki plays in the NL West.  In 30 games, Tulo has bludgeoned Mets' pitching for a .328 average, six doubles, two triples and seven home runs.  His slugging percentage against the Mets (.595) is nearly 100 points higher than his career mark (.505).  And of course, despite playing half his games in the Mile High City, it was at spacious Citi Field that Tulowitzki hit four home runs in four games in 2011.  He supplied the bat while his teammates brought their brooms, sweeping the four-game series in New York.

Josh Johnson

It's a good thing Johnson is an annual candidate for the disabled list, or else his record against the Mets would be far scarier than it is.  In 14 starts versus New York, Johnson is 8-1 with a 2.68 ERA.  As hard as it is for the Mets to score against Johnson, they find it even harder to take him deep.  In 87⅓ innings against New York, Johnson has allowed a mere three home runs.  Therefore, it should come as no surprise that no other team in the National League has lost to Johnson more than the Mets have.  Just imagine how bad it could be if Johnson had more than 48 career victories.

Cole Hamels

Wait, what?  Hamels is 3-10 against the Mets in his major league career.  How could he possibly be a Met killer?  It's simple, really.  He's due.  And if he's not, he'll find other ways to kill us.  In 2010, when he realized he couldn't beat the Mets with his arm, he decided to break our hearts with his bat.  His sixth-inning single against R.A. Dickey prevented the knuckleballer from recording the first no-hitter in franchise history.  Dickey had to settle for a complete game one-hit shutout.  One year later, another Hamels-Dickey matchup took place.  This time, Dickey took a no-hitter into the seventh inning before Shane Victorino broke it up with a one-out double.  Of course, Dickey received no credit for his yeoman-like effort in the 2-1 Mets victory because Hamels matched zeroes with him.  Hamels might be an ass, but he always finds a way to kill the Mets, even in games where he takes the loss.

Jason Bay

As an opponent, he was a Met killer, banging out 16 extra-base hits, including 8 HR, in 32 games.  He also averaged nearly an RBI per game, driving in 29 runs against the Mets.  Now that he's on the team, he's finding new ways to be a Met killer.  It took Bay 32 games to hit 8 HR AGAINST the Mets.  It took him 113 games to hit 8 HR FOR the Mets.  Let's put it this way.  In two seasons, Jason Bay is still three home runs short of Richard Hidalgo's career total as a Met, and Hidalgo only played 86 games in New York.  Bay killed the Mets as an opponent.  He's doing the same thing as a Met.

Fred Wilpon

Duh.  He's the biggest Met killer of them all.  He won't sell the team.  He won't break his souvenir Sandy Koufax piggy bank to improve the team.  Basically, he's like Rachel Phelps, only worse.  For those who are not into classic cinema, Phelps was the fictional owner of the Cleveland Indians in the film Major League.  Wanting to move the team from Cleveland to Miami, she decided to put the worst players on the field so that fans wouldn't come out to see them.  Why is Wilpon worse than Rachel Phelps?  Because he's making the team worse but instead of moving to Miami, he just allowed his shortstop to relocate there.  Of course, if he could move the team to 55 Sullivan Place in Brooklyn, that would be a different story.


Pat Burrell will no longer be terrorizing the Mets and their fans, choosing to retire rather than continuing to feast on Mets' pitching.  But that doesn't mean the Mets won't have new people to fear.

The new Met killer might come from another division or might come from within the National League East.  He might be a player who finds interesting ways to break our hearts or he might be a player breaking our hearts from within.  He might even be president of the Sandy Koufax fan club.

Regardless, as long as the Mets take the field, there will always be someone out there who will not do much against other teams, but will use the Mets as his own personal chew toy.  That's the nature of the beast.  It's a shame that beast can't suit up for the Mets every once in a while to feast on another team for a change.

The Perfect Way For The Mets To Stick It To The Marlins

As all Mets fans know, the Marlins have been a thorn in the team's side since 2007.  First, Tom Glavine was able to retire only one more batter than I did in the 2007 regular season finale, completing the Mets' collapse.  One year later, the Marlins wouldn't get off the field after they once again eliminated the Mets (and Shea Stadium) in Game No. 162.  Three years after that, they stuck it to the Mets again, this time by signing Jose Reyes to a six-year deal worth $106 million, or about $106 million more than Fred Wilpon has stored away in his souvenir Sandy Koufax piggy bank.

In fact, if you really want to get technical about it, the Marlins have been one-upping the Mets since 1997, when they replaced the Mets as the fastest expansion team to win a World Series.  (The Marlins have since been knocked off that perch by the fourth-year Arizona Diamondbacks in 2001.)

But other than the Mets celebrating their 2006 NL East title in front of their home fans while the Marlins watched in the road dugout, they haven't really done anything that would be considered negative to the Marlins.  Are they upset that the Mets took Mike Piazza and Carlos Delgado from them?  Did Fred Wilpon insult Marlins' owner Jeffrey Loria's mother because he found out Loria grew up as a Yankee fan during the era in which the Brooklyn Dodgers kept losing to them in the World Series?

The time has come for the Mets to stand up to the Marlins once and for all.  And I know just how they can do it.

Earlier today, it was reported that Bud Selig expects two extra wild-card teams to be in place for this season, rather than the 2013 campaign.  Therefore, with five teams now qualifying for the playoffs in the National League instead of the usual four, the Marlins have reasonable expectations that they will be one of those five teams.

More than likely, the Phillies will win the NL East for the sixth consecutive season.  But the Atlanta Braves are coming off an epic late-season collapse.  The St. Louis Cardinals and Milwaukee Brewers both lost their top power hitters (Albert Pujols, Prince Fielder) to free agency.  With all those windows being opened in the National League, the Miami Marlins are poised to break through and crash the playoff party for the first time since Art Howe was supposedly managing the Mets.

Like many other teams competing for the wild card spots, the Marlins might not play a potential clinching game until the final series of the season.  And who, pray tell, will the Marlins be playing on October 1, 2 and 3 in front of their dozens of fans at their brand spanking-new ballpark?

The New York Mets.

Wouldn't it be something if the Marlins needed to win their final series of the season and the newly-signed (and former Met) Heath Bell blew a save or two to the Mets?  Or how about if Jose Reyes, representing the tying run in the bottom of the ninth was caught stealing to end a game?  What if the Marlins' new ace, Mark Buehrle, only lasted a third of an inning in the regular season finale, as the Mets battered him for run after run in the opening frame?  Would that be devastating to them?

It's been too long since the Marlins have been a thorn in the Mets' side.  Ever since Steve Trachsel's arm and Jose Valentin's bat took them down in the 2006 division clincher, the artists formerly known as the Florida Marlins have been giving the Mets and their fans recurring nightmares.

Hey, we all know the Marlins are just one poor finish away from conducting their once-a-decade fire sale.  Why not speed up the inevitable and give them a chance to do it this year?  The Marlins have been sticking it to the Mets every chance they've gotten since 2007.  It's time for the Mets to stick it right back to them in 2012.  Ya gotta believe.

Song Parody: "Sign" (Dedicated To Jose Reyes)

We all know what the top news story will be around Citi Field over the next few months.  All you have to do is read any of the Mets-centric blogs out there and you'll be inundated with posts about the need for the Mets to re-sign Jose Reyes.

At Studious Metsimus, we'd also like to chime in on the Jose Reyes situation.  But how could we go about doing that without sounding like every other fan with a blog?  The answer is simple, really.  We'll do it in the form of a song parody!

In the past, we've parodied Oliver Perez ("Ollie B. Gone") and Luis Castillo ("Forget Lou") after they were released from the team, so why not go the opposite route and write a parody asking the Mets to keep a player instead of bidding them a not-so-fond adieu?

So it came down to trying to find a song that would be relevant to the topic at hand.  We considered songs from various eras and genres (don't ask about the Hall & Oates parody - we're saving that one for another day) and almost chose "The Sign" by Swedish music icons Ace of Base. (What, did you think I was going to say Roxette?)

However, every time we started humming the song in our heads, we kept sticking in a "bork, bork, bork" in the chorus, which messed up the dynamic of the song.  As anyone not named Waldorf and Statler could tell you, anytime you hum a Swedish song, eventually your thoughts will turn to a certain Scandinavian culinary artist.

 Will the Mets re-sign Jose Reyes or will they "bork" things up again?

So which song did we pick to skewer now that Hall & Oates and Ace of Base were no longer in the picture?  Like Bobby Bonilla's cranial CAT scan, the choice was a no-brainer.

In 1971, the song "Signs" became a top ten hit for the Five Man Electrical Band.  It reappeared in the top ten in 1990 when Tesla covered the song.  Now it's back for a third time, in the hopes that Jose Reyes re-"signs" with the Mets.

Put on your best blue and orange karaoke clothes and get ready to jam with your fellow Mets fans.  It's time for "Sign"!


And Wilpon said,
"Long-dreaded free-agent people need not apply."
So he tucked his dreads under his do-rag
And he went in to ask him why.
Fred said, "you look like a fine shortstop
and I'd want to re-sign you.
You're a champ with a bat, but I imagine that
your days as a Met are through."

Oh!  Sign!  Sign!  Wish Jose would sign.
Put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Do this, don't delay.
Can't you please just sign?!

And Wilpon said,
"Anybody caught hot doggin'
Will be cut on sight."
So he scaled the dugout fence and he yelled at Fred's box,
"Hey, that s**t just ain't right!
You brought in the fences for balls to fly out
And I said that I wanted in.
If Koufax was here, he'd say it to your face
Fred, go build me a winner!"

Sign!  Sign!  Wish Jose would sign.
Put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Do this, don't delay.
Can't you please just sign?!

Now hey Mr. Wilpon, can't you read?
You must re-sign Jose and his lightning speed. 
You're on watch so you must heed
Jose is supposed to be-e-e-e....here!

But Wilpon said,
"You've got to have a four-year contract to get inside"
Ughhh!

And Wilpon said,
"Jose, you're always welcome.
Come in.  Let's discuss your pay.
Friend, you've got to understand I've no money at all
'Cause I gave it all to Jason Bay."
Jose gave Fred a blank sheet of paper
And he told him he wouldn't sign
He said "Thank you, Fred, but don't patronize me
I'll move on and do just fine."

No!  Sign!  Sign!  Now Jose won't sign.
Won't put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Screw you, Fred and Jeff.
Could not make him sign.

Sign!  Sign!  Now Jose won't sign.
Won't put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Screw you, Fred and Jeff.
Last place shall be thine...

Freddy Got (Middle) Fingered

The Mets didn’t have a game scheduled for today, but they’re still all over the back pages of the tabloids. No one threw a firecracker in a crowded parking lot. No one threw bleach on anyone. No one shouted homophobic slurs at anyone. In fact, no players were involved in the controversy. But the man who pays them is.
Mets’ chief cook and bottle washer Fred Wilpon made some interesting comments recently that were published in this week’s edition of the New Yorker magazine. In particular, he singled out four of the team’s best players. But perhaps the article may have been edited before it went to print.
The Studious Metsimus staff believes we may know what Mr. Wilpon really said to the New Yorker. After all, we once got an e-mail from him that started with “Dear Mets Friend”, so you could say we know what makes him tick. (Never mind that thousands of other people received the same e-mail. He sent it to us with love!) Here is what was printed in the New Yorker followed by what he really meant to say:

What He Said:“(Jose Reyes) thinks he’s going to get Carl Crawford money. … He’s had everything wrong with him. He won’t get it.”
What He Meant:“I wish I had Carl Crawford’s money.”

What He Said:“We had some schmuck in New York who paid (Carlos Beltran) based on that one series. He’s sixty-five to seventy percent of what he was.”
What He Meant:“He hit the Cardinals so well in the ’04 NLCS. Why couldn’t he take the g*dd*mn bat off his shoulders against them in the ’06 NLCS? Adam Wainwright’s got a good curve, but it ain’t no Sandy Koufax curve.”

What He Said:“(David Wright is a) really good kid. A very good player. Not a superstar.”What He Meant:“David Wright is a really good kid. A very good player. But he’s not Sandy Koufax.”

What He Said:“(Ike Davis is a) good hitter. … Sh**ty team – good hitter.”
What He Meant:“Ike Davis is a sh**ty hitter on a good team. No, wait. Ike Davis is a good hitter on a team with a sh**ty owner. No, that can't be right. Ike Davis took a sh*t today. Ah, f**k it! Ike Davis is Jewish like Sandy Koufax - that makes him good.”



Fred Wilpon has been alive for three-quarters of a century. He’s been collecting Social Security for over a decade now. (Hope he’s saving it.) In other words, he should be retired already! If Julio Franco could walk away before he was half a century old, than why can't his former employer do the same?
If Fred Wilpon truly loved the Mets, he’d sell the team and quit while he’s behind. The Mets have a long way to go before they can hand out World Series rings. Hopefully, the next time they do, none of them will say Wilpon on it.

An Open Letter To Brooklyn Dodger Lover Fred Wilpon

Dear Mr. Wilpon,

I was recently at the Mets Team Store on the Field Level at Citi Field looking for some Mets T-shirts. After being pleasantly surprised to finally see R.A. Dickey and Angel Pagan number shirts for sale, my jaw dropped when I saw yet another piece of Brooklyn Dodgers merchandise.

This wasn't yet another tribute to Jackie Robinson or Ebbets Field. This was something else entirely. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you photo documentation of the latest shirt for sale at the Mets Team Store.


A Sandy Koufax Brooklyn Dodgers shirt? Really? Let's look up a few things about Mr. Koufax to share with our readers.

Sandy Koufax had a great career in the major leagues. He finished his career with a .655 winning percentage (165 wins, 87 losses), pitched four no-hitters (a record at the time), struck out 382 batters in a single season (also a record at the time), won three Cy Young Awards and was the National League MVP in 1963. He also was a member of four pennant winners and three World Series champions. As a result of his outstanding career, Koufax was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1972, his first year of eligibility.


That's a lot of accomplishments for a pitcher whose career was cut short because of arthritis. But that's not what stands out most for me on his Hall of Fame plaque. Let's focus on Sandy himself, or rather, let's focus on the cap he's wearing in the plaque. What's that on his cap? Oh, yeah...

It's a LOS ANGELES DODGERS cap!

Now why is he wearing an LA on his cap rather than a "B" for Brooklyn? That's because Koufax did very little in Brooklyn as a Dodger.

From 1955-1957, the last three seasons the Dodgers played at Ebbets Field, Sandy Koufax's record was 9-10, or the same record compiled by Jonathon Niese in 2010. He was also very wild, walking 108 batters in 204.2 innings and posted a 4.00 ERA.

Once the Dodgers packed their bags and left Brooklyn for LA, Koufax blossomed into one of the all-time greats in baseball.

So why on Earth is Citi Field selling Sandy Koufax Brooklyn Dodgers shirts when he did practically nothing as one of Dem Bums? It surely can't be because the Mets appreciate pitchers who go 9-10 while pitching in one of the outer boroughs. If that were the case, then the store would also have a full stock of Jonathon Niese T-shirts (which they don't; what's up with that?).

No, Mr. Wilpon. You know the reason as well as I do. Sandy Koufax was a childhood friend of yours. The two of you went to Lafayette High School in Brooklyn together. Sandy comes to spring training as a favor to you to talk to your pitchers.

We get it. You're BFFs. Fine.

But please. Sandy Koufax wasn't a Met. He was barely a Brooklyn Dodger. Stop trying to make it seem like he was. The Mets don't play at Ebbets Field. They don't have a "B" on their hats. Therefore, if you could, we'd like you to stop trying to shove the Brooklyn Dodgers down our throats. We know this is probably hard for you to do, so perhaps we can reach a compromise.

Do you remember which two players led the major leagues in home runs and RBI during the 1950s? Maybe the photos below will help.



The man in the photo on the left is Duke Snider, who played in Brooklyn for 11 seasons (1947-1957). The man on the right is Gil Hodges, who came up to the Brooklyn Dodgers for good in 1947 after playing in one game for the team in 1943.

Both men played the majority of their major league careers as Brooklyn Dodgers, winning six pennants and one World Series in Brooklyn. They also have one other thing in common. Let's roll out the photo album one more time to assist you.



Your eyes are not deceiving you, Mr. Wilpon. They were indeed both members of your New York Mets.

Duke Snider played one season for the Mets, making the All-Star team in 1963. Gil Hodges played parts of two seasons for the Mets (1962-63), hitting the first home run in franchise history on April 11, 1962. He also did something on a grander scale seven years later. It may or may not have involved winning a championship. I'll have to look that up.

Do you see what I'm getting at, Mr. Wilpon? Why are you selling Sandy Koufax merchandise when you can sell Duke Snider or Gil Hodges gear? They were both Brooklyn Dodgers far longer than Koufax was and contributed to more success in Brooklyn than your boyhood buddy did. Plus, they have the added appeal to Mets fans because they both donned the orange and blue at some point.

As of right now, there is nothing for Duke Snider at Citi Field and only a first base entrance named after Gil Hodges. I know I'm not the only fan who's appalled that you're trying to sell Sandy Koufax as a Brooklyn Dodger to Mets fans. In fact, my wife (you might know her as "The Coop") also has an opinion on the lovefest between you and the Brooklyn Dodgers, which she will share with you now:


Speaking of both teams for whom to pay homage, you also discredit the origins of the “orange” from the term “orange and blue” in your child-like fascination with the Brooklyn Dodgers, and that’s the New York Giants.

While the Dodgers were quick to embrace their new identity on the west coast with winning a championship in two years, the now-San Francisco Giants had to do nothing BUT embrace their New York roots. And why was that? Because prior to 2010, they had not won a championship in their 50 year old home and a lot of their rich history was based in New York. Even when the team won, they visited the old site of the Polo Grounds (where both the New York Giants and…oh some other team…oh yes, the New York Mets once upon a time played) with the Commissioner’s Trophy to pay homage to where their history originated. I don’t believe that the Dodgers visited the old site of Ebbets Field after winning a championship so quickly after switching coasts. The Giants embrace New York and the Mets need to embrace the Giants history as well.

It’s not so much the Koufax jersey or this blatant “to the victor go the spoils” attitude at Citi Field that is troublesome -- there is also no mention of New York Giants history. You’d like to be fair, then how about this? In addition to selling Brooklyn memorabilia, why not include the Giants as well in a nostalgia store? Not to mention, one of the most storied baseball players in history, Willie Mays, played for both New York and San Francisco Giants AND ended his career with the Mets. Wouldn’t it be great to not only acknowledge those teams but to also have an actual connection to the Mets? There’s no limitation to having Giants or Dodgers jerseys either in the nostalgia store – you can sell old Mets jerseys as well and even other items such as collectible yearbooks and souvenir cups.


My wife and I are just two people, Mr. Wilpon. But we're not the only ones who feel that you have overdone it with your homage to the Brooklyn Dodgers at Citi Field.

You're the owner of the New York Mets. You also love the Brooklyn Dodgers. If you absolutely must share that Dodger love with the fans who pay their way into your homage to Ebbets Field to see the Mets play, at least share it with players who have ties to both teams. Is that so hard to do, Mr. Wilpon?

Peace, love, Mets, y'all,
Ed Leyro and Taryn Cooper