Joey's Soapbox: A Perpetual Thank You To Pedro Feliciano

Pedro Feliciano, who was the longest tenured Met, is now the shortest tenured Yankee.

I'm Joey Beartran and it is my sad duty to inform you that Pedro Feliciano has signed a two-year, $8 million deal with the Bronx Bummers today. The deal will be finalized once Feliciano passes his physical.

So ends the saga of Perpetual Pedro, the man who I befriended in Port St. Lucie this past winter (see photo above).

Many of you might know Feliciano as the lefty specialist who kept breaking his own franchise record for games pitched year after year. I know him as a gentleman, a man whose kindness to teddy bears was only rivaled by his ferocity towards left-handed hitters.

From the first time I met him at Spring Training in Port St. Lucie, when he held me and told me that I looked like his twin, to the time I saw him giving autographs to his teddy bear fans (see photo below), Perpetual Pedro endeared himself to me as the biggest teddy bear to put on a Mets uniform.


Now he will take his talent and love of bears over to the Bronx, where he will called upon to handle the newest lefties signed by the Boston Red Sox (Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford), as well as the incumbent southpaws (David Ortiz, J.D. Drew, Jacoby Ellsbury).

Perhaps he will continue to pitch in 90+ games as a member of the Yankees. Perhaps age and a stronger league will cause him to lose his edge (which I'm sure Derek Jeter can help him with since he apparently has an Edge) against left-handed batters.

But there is one thing I know for sure. Pedro Feliciano may now be a member of the hated Yankees, but he will always be a Met in my heart.

Competitive on the mound and classy off it, Feliciano will be missed by Mets fans and teddy bears alike.

I tip my floppy hat to Pedro Feliciano, my twin and my friend. Good luck to you from your fellow southpaw. You will always bring cheer to teddy bears and fear to lefty bats.

Studious Metsimus Presents The Happy/Crappy Recap For 2009

It's the end of another year and Studious Metsimus would like to recap 2009 for you, followed by a thank you to some of our special readers and fellow bloggers who helped make Studious Metsimus what it is today.

It all began so well for the Mets in 2009. Then the Star-Spangled Banner was sung on Opening Day and everything fell apart. Injury after injury turned into loss after loss and the Mets could only manage a 70-92 record, good for fourth place in the NL East.

To make matters worse, Mets fans were subjected to the Doomsday World Series between the Yankees and the Phillies. Some major retooling had to be done after the World Series was completed and the Mets almost waited for 2009 to end before they made any noise in the free agent market, finally acquiring Jason Bay before the calendar changed to 2010.

The 2009 season saw the premiere of Citi Field with the Citi Kitty cursing the Mets on Opening Night. It also saw dropped popups, the Tony Bernazard Strongman Competition (probably seen on ESPN 2 sometime after 3 AM), the rise and fall of the Three Fernandos, David Wright's head-seeking missile and too many other moments that made this a forgettable season.

Fortunately, Studious Metsimus has something to be thankful for. To our readers such as Señor Solly, Satish, Jason, Efrain, Tracy and Anonymous (thank you to Anonymous for leaving the most comments), we'd like to thank you for your readership. You helped us surpass our goal of having two readers in 2009. Your comments were always appreciated and made us want to write more quality stories to hide the fact that the Mets really sucked this year.

To Kelly, thank you so much for designing the Studious Metsimus logo. It gave the site credibility that our excuse for writing would not have been able to get on its own. The writing got better once we said to ourselves, "Oh, crap! We look like a professional Mets blog. We'd better made the writing match the beautiful logo!"

To Denise, thank you for convincing us that we had some talent. Without your encouragement (and Kelly's as well), we wouldn't have started blogging on the Mets, first on Mets Merized Online, then expanding to Studious Metsimus.

To Joe D, thank you for giving us our first break. Without the opportunity you gave us, we never would have grown the cojones to start Studious Metsimus. We're waving our David Wright Pom Poms that we borrowed from Bayonne Mets Fan to show our appreciation for everything you've done for us.

To Jon and Lisa, thank you for teaching the two-member Studious Metsimus staff that sometimes squawking is the way to go to attract attention to our blog. Don't give up hope, Jon. We'll always have 1986. And Lisa, you may be the only Yankee fan who's cool in the eyes of Studious Metsimus. Even Joey thinks so!

Last, but certainly not least, we must give a shout out to Coop. For inspiring a number of blogs, for taking the Studious Metsimus staff on a tour of Citi Field, for being you...thank you. Hopefully, Joey will be able to persuade you to join the Studious Metsimus staff in 2010. You're a legend in the blogosphere and we'd love to have you!

From Joey and I, we'd like to wish you all the best for a happy and healthy 2010. Thank you for supporting Studious Metsimus and as always, LET'S GO METS !!

Studious Metsimus "Salutes" The Yankees With A Limerick

Studious Metsimus would like to congratulate the New York Yankees with a special limerick written especially for them and their fans. We're sorry the limerick doesn't contain 27 words (one word for each championship) but we can't be as perfect as you are. Enjoy!

So the Yankees own twenty-seven rings
As Mets fans, it doesn't mean a thing
We bleed orange and blue
And we're proud of our two
'Cause we didn't have to BUY our bling!




Let's go Mets in 2010!
Let's stop the Yanks from doing it again!
Let's put together a winning team
So we don't have to relive this bad dream!

Cole Hamels: All Mouth, No Heart

Cole Hamels has opened his mouth and yet again, something embarrassing came out of it. After his Game 3 loss to the Yankees on Saturday night, a game in which he was blasted for five runs in 4 1/3 innings of work, the Phillies' potential Game 7 starter had these words of wisdom to share with the reporters present in the Phillies' clubhouse:

"I can't wait for it to end. It's been mentally draining. It's one of those things where you can't wait for a fresh start."

I wonder what teammate Pedro Martinez had to say about this. He signed with the Phillies to win a championship. Now one of his fellow starters can't wait for it to end, almost not caring if he wins or loses the World Series.

Did Randy Johnson care in 2001? You bet he did! He pitched seven innings for the Diamondbacks in Game 6 of the 2001 World Series against the Yankees. Then he cared so much for his team that he came out of the bullpen THE FOLLOWING NIGHT in Game 7 and got the victory in relief.

Imagine if the Phillies go to a Game 7 against the Yankees. Could you imagine going out to the mound after making a comment like Cole Hamels did? Philly fans boo everything in sight. Hamels is lucky his potential Game 7 start isn't at Citizen's Bank Park.

Then again, the fans are probably expecting Hamels to make comments like that. After all, he's the one who admitted on live radio that the Mets were choke artists. The only difference with Hamels' radio comments were that he backed them up with a ring and a World Series MVP Award. What does he have to back Game 3's post-game comments with? How about a 1-2 record and a 7.58 ERA.

As of today, the Phillies are 9-5 in the 2009 postseason. Hamels is their only pitcher with two losses this postseason. If the Phillies do force a Game 7 and Hamels loses that game, will Phillies' fans remember his 2008 World Series MVP Trophy or his 2009 failures and sound bites?

A player with heart puts his own needs aside and does whatever it takes to help his team. A player with a mouth causes animosity and distractions in the clubhouse. That being said, a player with a brain would know which category is better for his team. Good luck if you have to pitch in a Game 7, Mr. Hamels. Hope you can remember which body part to use at the right time.

Whatever Happened To The Mets?

The last time I checked, this site was called Studious Metsimus, wasn't it? So where has all the talk about the Mets gone? It appears that all we've been talking about recently has been Phillies this and the Yankees that, with a little more focus on the Phillies.

Is it possible that Studious Metsimus is becoming what we were criticizing last year? Read on to see what I mean.

In 2008, the Phillies won their second straight division title and followed it up with a World Series victory over the Rays. During their playoff run, Shane Victorino was made fun of by his teammates after hitting a grand slam off then-Brewers pitcher CC Sabathia and then pointing skyward. The following day above his locker, the Cryin' Hawaiian found "J. Reyes" written over his name, a nod to Reyes' skyward gesture after he hits a home run.

Mets fans everywhere were furious at the Phillies' actions because Reyes had never been the only player to point to the Heavens after hitting a home run. It is common for a player to make the same gesture when he wants to give thanks to God or say hello to a loved one who passed away. However, since it was directed toward Reyes, it showed that the Mets were still on the Phillies' minds. Adding fuel to the fire was the comment made by Cole Hamels after being questioned on why he was singling out Jose Reyes.

"I think he's a great player...(but) run around like you've done it before, don't act like it's the best thing on the planet."

(Please note: The photo to the left is NOT a picture of Cole Hamels. Studious Metsimus respects him and would never stoop to his level just to insult him. It's actually a photo of his identical twin brother.)

Even after winning the World Series, the Phillies still had the Mets on their minds. During their championship parade and celebration in Philadelphia, shortstop Jimmy Rollins mentioned Johan Santana and the Mets, eliciting boos from the Philly Phaithful. However, Rollins made sure not to make it a Johan love-fest, when he followed up his comment with the following nugget.

"We can talk about the New York Mets. They brought in that great pitcher, Johan Santana, but they forgot that it takes more than one player to bring home a championship."

Do you see what I mean about Studious Metsimus becoming what we were criticizing last season? Now it seems as if we can't get the Phillies off OUR minds. So let's talk about the Mets for a little while to get this nasty Phillie aftertaste out of our mouths.

Spinderella, break it down.

"Let's talk about Mets, baby.
Let's talk about you and me.
Let's talk about David, Jose, Carlos, Johan and Frenchy.
Let's talk about Mets.
Let's talk about Mets!
Let's talk about Mets.
Let's talk about Mets!"

Thanks for the intro, Spin! That wasn't so hard now, was it? Let's see what the Mets have been up to since we last saw them at Citi Field almost a month ago.

Jose Reyes was spotted at a... No, wait. David Wright donated his time and money to a needy... Uh, no, that wasn't him. Fernando Tatis built another church with his bare hands in his native Dominican Republic. Hold on. Was that really him?

Grrr! It isn't easy coming up with news on the Mets when they're not in the news to begin with. Hopefully, when the World Series is over, the Mets will become more newsworthy. The Winter Meetings are still over a month away, so hopefully there will be some rumblings in Mets-ville to report on.

It's either that or we'll have to make up a story about Steve Phillips going out on a blind date with someone he was told liked to remove articles of clothing in the heat of the moment. Then we'll make that person be notorious shirt-remover Tony Bernazard. Ooooh, Studious Metsimus would be all over that story!

In the meantime, I guess we'll just have to cover the events taking place on the field right now. Perhaps Cole Hamels will give us something interesting to write about after his Game 3 outing against the Yankees on Halloween night. Don't give us that smirk, Colbert. We know you're up to something. You can't always blame it on your identical twin brother!

Studious Metsimus Exclusive: Pedro Martinez Joins Bloods

Throughout the years, Pedro Martinez has made it quite clear that he is not fond of the Yankees. His hatred of the Evil Empire runs through his veins. Now he has taken his venom to a new level. That's right, my loyal SMFs. Pedro Martinez has gone gangsta.

But we're not talking about Jerry Manuel gangsta (that's gangsta-lite). We're talking about the real deal here. As this exclusive photo shows you, Pedro Martinez has now joined the Bloods.

This was not an unexpected move. In 2001, while a member of the Red Sox, Petey Daddy (as he's known on the streets) asked the media if they could wake up the Bambino (Babe Ruth) so he could drill him in the ass.

Two years later during the 2003 ALCS, Petey Daddy was involved in a bench-clearing incident with the Yankees. After teammate Manny Ramirez showed his displeasure at an inside pitch that he believed was an attempt at headhunting, Mr. Daddy decided to do a little headhunting of his own after Yankee bench coach Don Zimmer charged at him during the fracas.









Petey Daddy's act of violence might have served as a precursor to becoming a Blood, but his actions did serve to expose Zimmer in a new light.

During the post-game press conference after Fight Night at Fenway was over, it was revealed that the term "Evil Empire" was quite appropriate to describe the Yankees. When Zimmer came up to the podium, he confessed to the media that he was really Darth Vader. Being the elder statesman on the Yankees, that made him Pedro's father. Hence, the "Who's your Daddy?" chants at Yankee Stadium.













Petey Daddy is now a member of the Phillies and he's facing the Yankees in the World Series for the first time. Although he is now a few years older, his affiliation with the Bloods means that his "family" will have his back on the field in case he encounters difficulties on the mound.

If Alex Rodriguez dares to get a base hit off Petey Daddy, Kate Hudson will be "taken care of". If A.J. Burnett is seen running around with shaving cream pies, Petey's brothers will give A.J. their own version of a close shave.

The only problem Petey Daddy might encounter could be internal. In another exclusive photo, it appears as if Ryan Howard has affiliated himself with Snoop Dogg. Although that is not reason enough to cause a feud in the clubhouse, the Doggfather was once a member of the Crips, a.k.a. the Bloods' sworn enemies.











Could Ryan Howard and his "connections" be the ones who could stop Petey Daddy from bringing down the Evil Empire? Perhaps. But I wouldn't count on it. The power of Petey might be too much for the Yankees to handle.

Be afraid, Yankees. Be very afraid. Once upon a time, Petey Daddy claimed to want the Babe exhumed so he could drill him in the ass. Now he's probably prepared to bust a cap in his ass as well.

Joey's Soapbox: Phillies To Repeat; Yankees Smell Defeat

It's been a while since I got on my soapbox, but as you can see from the picture to the left, I'm back on it and I brought some props with me. It's time to make my predictions for the 2009 World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees, or as my colleague calls it, the Doomsday Series.

Let me first say that I would rather not pick either one of these teams, because I am a Mets fan first, second and always. I proudly wave my foam finger in the face of anyone who doubts where my allegiances lie.

That being said, I'm pulling for the Yankees to lose to the Phillies in the World Series. Here is my reasoning for this prediction.

I hate the Phillies and their fans more than Sally Struthers hates salads, but they've only been good for three years. Before 2007, did anybody on the Phillies annoy you? Were their fans up in your faces? No. Everything was cool before 2007 because there was no rivalry or animosity between the two teams and their fans.

However, since 2000, all Yankee fans have been saying is 26 rings this, 26 rings that. Not only that, but if you're a Mets fan who reminds them that they haven't won a ring in nine years, what will they say? They'll say that it's been 23 years since we last won and that their last ring was earned by beating the Mets.

Phillies fans can't talk (even though they will). Not only are they the only team in professional sports with 10,000 losses, but over the course of each franchise's history, the Mets have a better winning percentage than the Phillies.

Despite the fact that the Mets were regular patrons of the 100-loss club for several years before they won the World Series in 1969 and were dismal in the late 70s and early 80s, they still have a better overall record than the Phillies. In 48 seasons, the Mets' regular season winning percentage is .479 (3,655 wins and 3,981 losses). The Phillies have 9,038 wins and 10,167 losses in their 127-year history, for a winning percentage of .471. If they were to start a 1,000 game winning streak, they'd still have a losing record once the skein ended.

Yankee fans can be arrogant as well, but at least they can back it up with all of their championships that they earned in every decade except the 80s. What can Phillies fans back it up with? Not much. Two championships in 127 years isn't that impressive. The Mets have won the same amount of titles in about one-third the time. Even the Marlins have won that many championships and they've only been in existence since 1993. The only thing the Phillies can say they do better then the Mets is that the Phillie Phanatic is better at playing with his wiener.

So let the Phillies and their fans have their fun. Does anyone really expect them to stay around for long? They don't have a single everyday player under the age of 28 and by the time Opening Day comes around, their fearsome foursome of Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth and Raul Ibañez will all be in their thirties.

By the time their contracts expire, all will be past their prime but will still demand the money of players in their prime. Only Chase Utley is signed beyond the 2011 season. Jayson Werth will become a free agent after next season. Next year is also Jimmy Rollins' last year, although he has an option for 2011, while Howard and Ibañez's contracts expire in 2011 as well. Do you really think they'll all accept pay cuts to continue playing for the Phillies?

The run started by the Phillies in 2007 should end by 2011. Then it will be back to normal, where the Mets will be better than the Phillies and the Yankees will still be talking about their dozens of rings.

Because of that, I am picking the Yankees to lose the World Series in five games to the Phillies. That's right. I'm agreeing with Jimmy Rollins' prediction of five games. Don't worry. It won't become a habit. Once April comes around, it'll be back to smashmouth baseball. Or in the case of Jimmy Rollins, smashface baseball.

Michael Sergio Is The Key To Canceling The World Series

Do you remember Michael Sergio? He was the man who parachuted into Shea Stadium during Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. He made a perfect landing near the pitcher's mound unscathed and then was taken into custody without any further incident. No harm, no foul. He was escorted to the 109th Precinct and was released soon after his unexpected visit to Shea.

Does anyone have his phone number? Studious Metsimus would like to call him and his pilot to see if they can help cancel this year's Doomsday Series.

You see, life was simpler back in 1986. It was a time when Mets fans could run onto the field to celebrate division titles and not have to worry about police officers on horses trying to stop them.

Now if you try to do that, you'll get thrown down by dozens of police officers and security officers and YouTube will only show the most embarrassing parts of your romp on the field.

1986 was also a time when you could afford to take your entire family to a game without having to sacrifice an arm, a leg, one of your kidneys and your next child. Even World Series tickets were affordable.

If you were one of the fortunate souls who was able to score some tickets to Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, you spent no more than $40 for your seat. As shown by the picture to the right, field box seats (a.k.a. the most expensive seats in the house) for that game were only $40 each. You could have brought your entire family to the World Series and spent less money on your tickets than you would have spent on one of those new-fangled VCRs.

Of course, parachutist extraordinaire Michael Sergio must have been priced out of the World Series so he decided the watch the game from a less expensive seat.

Times have changed. Because of today's security concerns, if Sergio tried to do this now, he'd be...wait a minute. That just gave me a goofy, but brilliant idea.

If you know me or if you read this post written by my doppelganger at Mets Merized Online, you would know that I don't care who wins the World Series. I hate both teams involved. Maybe my dreams of a double forfeit can come true if I can get Michael Sergio to reprise his stunt at Yankee Stadium.

If he can fly over the Bronx and skydive into Yankee Stadium, maybe he'd raise some security concerns and the World Series would be canceled because MLB wouldn't be able to gurantee the safety of its players. After all, how can they know he's not armed?

Paging Mr. Sergio. Come in, Mr. Sergio. Would you like to help your fellow Mets fans out? Studious Metsimus can't guarantee that we can keep the fighter jets from shooting down your plane, but you can't worry about a few professionally trained military pilots with a full supply of ammunition when millions of Mets fans need you! Save our season, Michael Sergio! We're counting on you!

World Series Turf War: Jay-Z vs. Big Willie Style

Rivalries. They exist everywhere. Whether it's the Mets and the Phillies, Tupac and Biggie or Sally Struthers and a truckload of Ring Dings, rivalries can turn former friends into sworn enemies (except Struthers and the Ring Dings; they're still on speaking terms).

Now we have a new rivalry forming. Because of the upcoming World Series between the Phillies and the Yankees, Philadelphia native Will Smith has entered into a war of words with noted Yankee fan Jay-Z. Here is the tale of the tape between Mr. Jada and Mr. Beyoncé:

Will Smith burst out of the West Philly scene with DJ Jazzy Jeff, had a string of Top 40 hits, but his time as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air changed him. His clean image took a hit when he was seen smacking Carlton behind Uncle Phil's back and he also never intervened whenever his supposed best friend, Jazzy Jeff was thrown out of the mansion. Big Willie Style left his brotherly love in Philly when he went out west.

Jay-Z rose from the projects in Bed-Stuy to become one of the leading entrepreneurs in hip-hop. He is the co-owner of the 40/40 Club and the New Jersey Nets, but he has also made some poor business decisions. For example, he attempted to sell his Roca-Pads tampons by using Chappelle's Show as his infomercial. Then, he made his wife Beyoncé angry when he attempted to be a backseat driver (see photo below). Not smart to go Big Pimpin' on stage.

Will Smith has since recovered from his Bel-Air brainwashing. With numerous box office successes (let's not talk about "Wild Wild West") and a successful marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith, the former Fresh Prince has now decided to throw his Hancock into the ring by taking on Jay-Z as their cities are being represented by the Phillies and the Yankees in the World Series.

They have decided to battle on the mics. Smith began by laying down these fresh rhymes:

"I was once the Fresh Prince, but now my Phillies are regal.
The Yankees are endangered like my friend, the bald eagle.
Jay-Z might be living in his Empire State of Mind.
But I'm the one who's gonna tap his wife's lovely behind."

When Jay-Z was informed that Smith believed that he was ready for Beyoncé's jelly, he did not seem to be perturbed. However, things changed when he realized that Smith had also badmouthed the Yankees.

Without giving so much as a thought, Jay-Z freestyled his response to Smith:

"I'm gonna make sure you live a Hard Knock Life.
For dissin' on my Yankees and mackin' on my wife.
I'll savor our victory while you cry in defeat.
Welcome to the Bronx: the real nightmare on your street."

So the battle is on. The war will not only be fought between the foul lines; it will also be fought in the luxury boxes. Jay-Z and his Yankees vs. Big Willie Style and his Phillies. Who will live? Who will die? Who'll be crying like a baby when Suge Knight hangs him off the press box? (It'll probably still be Vanilla Ice.)

All of these questions will be answered over the course of the next four to seven games. Now excuse me while our combatants are getting ready to take the stage at Yankee Stadium. I believe their wives are in need of some company...

The Doomsday Poll: Yankees or Phillies?

Halloween has come early for Mets fans. Instead of "trick or treat", Mets fans will be experiencing "trick or trick". The nightmare Studious Metsimus has referred to as the Doomsday Series is now a reality. Mets fans everywhere will be hearing it from both sides as the Phillies and Yankees will be facing each other in the 2009 World Series beginning Wednesday night at Yankee Stadium.

In lieu of a regular blog, I'll make this short and terribly bitter. Will you root for the Phillies? Will you root for the Yankees? Will you root for the Mets (if you're watching Mets Classics or your 1986 World Series DVDs as you read this)?

Please vote and leave comments as to why you made your selection. Remember, your answer can't be wrong. It just might not agree with the correct one.

For Mets Fans, It's Like A Horror Movie That Never Ends

Well, SMFs. As of this writing, both the Phillies and the Yankees have 3-1 leads in their respective series. They are now both one win away from the World Series no Mets fan wanted to see. Although I still hold out hope for both the Dodgers and the Angels to come back in their series, I am willing to accept what might inevitably happen.

A Phillies-Yankees World Series would complete the Trilogy of Terror for the Mets. In 2007, the Mets suffered their epic collapse and watched the Phillies sneak up on them, eventually taking the NL East division title on the last day of the season. Like a horror movie, the events shocked us and served as a set-up for what was to come.

The 2008 season saw the Mets lose the division title to the Phillies during the last weekend of the season and watched the Brewers take the wild card on the final day of the regular season. Not only that, but this time, Mets fans were forced to watch the Phillies steamroll their way through the postseason to win their second World Series Championship in franchise history. All horror movie sequels have a higher body count and watching the Phillies win it all in 2008 certainly left many Mets fans gasping for air, especially those of us who had 2008 World Series tickets had the games been played at Shea Stadium.


It's time for the final act of the trilogy. This is where everything comes together. Now we're on the verge of a World Series between our crosstown rivals and our division rivals. No matter who wins, Mets fans will lose. Oh, yes. There will be blood. Unfortunately, it'll be ours as we watch our TV screens in horror.

Fortunately, trilogies always end after the third act. Perhaps in 2010, the Mets will be able to come back and erase the memory of the 2007-2009 seasons. Then again, sometimes after the first trilogy ends, a second one begins. Let's hope that isn't the case for the Mets. After all, there's no room for another Jar Jar Binks in Mets-ville.

Percentage-Wise, Mets Drew Better Than The Yankees

Baseball is a game of stats. Even casual fans know the home run records (73* and 762*) and how many rings the Yankees have, although that might be due to those "Got Rings?" shirts worn by the Yankee fans.

Therefore, one stat I just uncovered might bring a smile to the faces of Mets fans. Mets fans might be disappointed that their team didn't do as well in the standings as their crosstown rivals did, but at least they showed up to cheer them on (until they decided to dress up as green seats during the final month of the season).











During the regular season, the Mets averaged 38,942 tickets sold per game. Citi Field has a capacity of 41,800. Therefore, the Mets sold 93.2% of their seats for their inaugural season at Citi Field.

By comparison, the Yankees sold an average of 45,918 tickets per game, but the official capacity at the new Yankee Stadium is 52,325. Therefore, they only sold 87.8% of their available tickets.

Although team officials have said otherwise, none of the first four playoff games played at Yankee Stadium has been a sellout. In fact, only one game had a paid attendance of 50,000 and that one barely cracked the mark. Here are the attendance figures for each playoff game so far:

• ALDS Game 1 vs. Twins: 49,464
• ALDS Game 2 vs. Twins: 50,006
• ALCS Game 1 vs. Angels: 49,688
• ALCS Game 2 vs. Angels: 49,922

On average, Citi Field had slightly under 3,000 seats available for sale for each REGULAR SEASON game played. Yankee Stadium has a similar number of available seats for PLAYOFF GAMES.

This is a team that hadn't played in an ALCS since 2004 and they can't sell 50,000 tickets for the games against the Angels!

Had the Mets made the playoffs, I'm sure each game would have been sold out. After all, the Mets sold nearly every seat at Citi Field during the regular season while the Yankees averaged more than twice as many unsold seats at their new ballpark.

Of course, buying tickets at Yankee Stadium might cause Yankee fans to have to take out a second mortgage on their homes, but this is the playoffs. Even former Indianapolis Colts coach Jim Mora was stunned to hear that the Yankees couldn't sell out playoff games.

Perhaps I'm just a jealous Mets fan who can't find anything else to write about now that the Mets are playing golf and the Yankees and Phillies are still playing for the trophy. But I was one of those Mets fans who showed up at Citi Field this season despite the disappointing product I was paying to watch on the field. I was there for 20 games (about one-quarter of the home schedule) and plan on going to more games next season.

Real fans go to the games to share their love of their team with fellow fans. The Rockies sold out their playoff games and showed up during sub-freezing temperatures and threats of snow. Why can't Yankee fans show up in chilly weather? I guess Yankee fans don't want to share anything with their fellow fans other than their ubiquitous "Got Rings?" T-shirts. After all, those people in suits with the bulging wallets who occupy most of the seats aren't really fellow fans anyway.

When Disaster Strikes, Who Can The Mets Call?

As any regular Studious Metsimus reader would know (I'm talking to all 2½ of you), the end of the world might be at hand. Do you see the locusts? That would be the early warning that the Yankees and the Phillies might be playing each other in this year's Fall Crassic. And yes, if they do play each other, I will refer to it as the Fall Crassic instead of the Fall Classic.

As Mets fans, we must do whatever we can to prevent the onslaught on Yankee bandwagoners and Phillie phans from ridiculing us for bleeding blue and orange (and sometimes black).

I've looked online for any possible solution to the potential disaster that awaits us. I'm sorry to say that I was misled by my supposedly trustworthy colleague when he suggested that I should check out www.preventdisastersfromhappening.com for more information. I found six possible options that might help us. Which one do you think is best?


Shaman

I understand that Native American Shamans might be of assistance, but they're mostly known for communicating with the spirit world. However, if they can bring back former Phillie World Series hero Mitch Williams from the dead, then we might be on to something. Williams can hit every Yankee with a pitch, thereby injuring every Yankee but giving them runs due to so many hit batters on base. This would cause MLB to declare a double forfeit. The Phillies can't win because they were losing and the Yankees can't win because they can't put nine healthy bodies on the field. That would actually work if anyone could understand my attempt at logic and if Mitch Williams was actually dead.

FEMA

Leave it to the Wilpons to hire FEMA to prevent the unnatural disaster of the Yankees playing the Phillies in the Fall Crassic. If they are able to hire them, then I guess this World Series is going to happen after all. FEMA wouldn't even get there until the Winter Meetings started in December. At least maybe then, they could prevent Omar Minaya from overpaying some schlub to play for the Mets. (Remember the Ollie-mo!)

Undercover Brother

He might be one bad mother [shut yo mouth], but before he would get the job done, a sexy lady would inevitably come between U.B. and the mission to prevent the Yankees and Phillies from meeting until next year's Grapefruit League games. We'll leave him for the smaller jobs. This job requires someone who can devote 100% of his attention to the task at hand, not 100% attention to who he's got on each hand. By the way, that's a nice picture, Mr. Brother...

Kenny Rogers

Seriously? Kenny Rogers? The man who broke the hearts of Mets fans everywhere when he walked Braves Nation into the 1999 World Series? He's the one you'd expect to bring Molotov cocktails to a pyromaniacs convention, not the one you'd call upon for your one-man disaster relief squad. I mean, come on, people! The photo to the left is his MUG SHOT! He can't even prevent his own disasters!

Kenny Rogers

Okay, now we're just getting silly here. This is supposed to be serious. This Kenny Rogers obviously did a little too much gambling and couldn't prevent disaster from happening to his own face. He didn't know when to hold 'em and his plastic surgeon surely didn't know when to STOP folding him. That being said, perhaps Kenny could recommend some doctors to the Phillies and Yankees. Now that I think about it, this might not be so silly after all.

Kenny

Oh, my God! Kenny killed the World Series! How brilliant would that be? South Park's most famous murder victim would be absolutely PERFECT for the Mets to call upon to stop the Yankees-Phillies Fall Crassic from happening. Just being in Kenny's presence might cause a few players to keel over. No players, no Fall Crassic, which is exactly what happened when the World Series was cancelled in 1994. Also, South Park is located in Colorado. What Colorado native wouldn't want to do harm to the Phillies after the Rockies were ousted by them in the NLDS?


There you have it, SMFs! It appears as if Kenny from South Park will be doing his best to prevent a Yankees-Phillies World Series from taking place. Good luck, Kenny. Just one little thing before you go on your mission.

PLEASE DON'T DIE BEFORE THE END OF THE ALCS AND NLCS!

If you do die, we might have to hire one of the Kenny Rogerseseses and then there would certainly be no joy in Mets-ville. Godspeed, little buddy!