Gary, Keith & Ron To Be Replaced (For Two Innings)

The beloved team of Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez and Ron Darling will be replaced in the SNY booth tonight. Before you start calling for Fred Wilpon's head (save it for the day he fails to open his wallet to re-sign Jose Reyes), let me specify that the SNY crew will only be replaced for two innings. And who will be in the booth for those two innings?

None other than Bob Costas and Al Michaels.

Legendary broadcasters Costas and Michaels will be covering the Mets-Giants game for the MLB Network. Then during the fourth and fifth innings, they will switch with Gary Cohen and Ron Darling (Keith doesn't do games from his hometown) and will provide SNY viewers with the play-by-play and analysis. They will then move over to the San Francisco TV booth and call the game for their local channel in the sixth and seventh innings.

It will be the first time Al Michaels broadcasts a major league baseball game since 1995, as well as the his first pairing with Bob Costas in the booth.

However, some movie enthusiasts might disagree with that last statement. After all, the two did team up in the broadcast booth for several scenes in the movie "BASEketball" (see clip below), where they got, how shall we say this, a little too excited to be working together.



Don't forget to tune in tonight at 10:15PM (8:15PM Mountain Time, in case you live somewhere near South Park, Colorado), as the Mets play the first of three games against the defending World Champion San Francisco Giants at AT&T Park.

With Gary Cohen and Ron Darling passing the SNY baton to Bob Costas and Al Michaels for two innings, you never know what could happen. But you do know that you're going to be fully entertained and informed by two of the greatest sports broadcasters of our generation. That's reason enough to get excited. Right, Mr. Costas?

Players' Union Files Grievance For Frankie Knuckles

The Associated Press is reporting that the Players Association has filed a grievance against the New York Mets and the office of the commissioner. In their complaint, they are questioning how the situation with the closer/Lucha Libre aficionado has been handled by the Mets.

For those of you who have not heard or are simply choosing to ignore the story because you're too upset that the Mets would lose a game last night in which Johan Santana was matched up against Mets' castoff Nelson Figueroa, Francisco Rodriguez went Met-ieval on his girlfriend's father's @$$ (and by @$$, I mean his face). In doing so, he tore a ligament in his right thumb (that's on his pitching hand, boys and girls), requiring season-ending surgery.

Let's review this together, for all the members of the jury in attendance:

Exhibit A:
Francisco Rodriguez assaults the grandfather of his children.

Exhibit 2:
He does so at Citi Field, his place of employment.

Exhibit Tres:
The "alleged" assault takes place in full view of teammates, their young children, members of the media...or as you and I might call them, EYEWITNESSES.

Exhibit IV:
He causes a season-ending injury to himself during said "alleged" incident.

Responding to the incident, the Mets decided to place Francisco Rodriguez on the disqualified list. As a result, K-Rod will not be paid for as long as he is out with his injury and his contract will become non-guaranteed, meaning his salary for 2011 might go right back into the Wilpon's pockets if they choose to do so.

Sounds fine and dandy, right? After all, the Volatile Venezuelan was arraigned for a crime he admitted doing. So it's buh-bye for K-Rod, right?

NOT SO FAST!!

The union says that wouldn't be fair to Frankie Knuckles if the Mets converted his contract to a non-guaranteed deal. No, their player should be paid millions of dollars while recovering from an injury he suffered while in the act of committing a crime (Oops! I mean an "alleged" crime) against a family member at his place of employment in front of the media who could then report firsthand on the public relations nightmare he just created.

Assuming the case isn't settled and has to go before an arbitrator, I fully expect the Mets to win this case. But in the event that the MLBPA wins the case for K-Rod, I have a bit of advice for the Mets' soon-to-be former closer.

Buy yourself a wheelbarrow with your pocket change. Why? Because you're going to need it to transport the millions of dollars you'll have to cough up for your "father-in-law" once he sues your save-blowing, high-pitch-throwing @$$ for "allegedly" assaulting him.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, K-Rod. And if it does, don't hit it back. You've caused enough trouble with your "greatest hits" as it is!

When Disaster Strikes, Who Can The Mets Call?

As any regular Studious Metsimus reader would know (I'm talking to all 2½ of you), the end of the world might be at hand. Do you see the locusts? That would be the early warning that the Yankees and the Phillies might be playing each other in this year's Fall Crassic. And yes, if they do play each other, I will refer to it as the Fall Crassic instead of the Fall Classic.

As Mets fans, we must do whatever we can to prevent the onslaught on Yankee bandwagoners and Phillie phans from ridiculing us for bleeding blue and orange (and sometimes black).

I've looked online for any possible solution to the potential disaster that awaits us. I'm sorry to say that I was misled by my supposedly trustworthy colleague when he suggested that I should check out www.preventdisastersfromhappening.com for more information. I found six possible options that might help us. Which one do you think is best?


Shaman

I understand that Native American Shamans might be of assistance, but they're mostly known for communicating with the spirit world. However, if they can bring back former Phillie World Series hero Mitch Williams from the dead, then we might be on to something. Williams can hit every Yankee with a pitch, thereby injuring every Yankee but giving them runs due to so many hit batters on base. This would cause MLB to declare a double forfeit. The Phillies can't win because they were losing and the Yankees can't win because they can't put nine healthy bodies on the field. That would actually work if anyone could understand my attempt at logic and if Mitch Williams was actually dead.

FEMA

Leave it to the Wilpons to hire FEMA to prevent the unnatural disaster of the Yankees playing the Phillies in the Fall Crassic. If they are able to hire them, then I guess this World Series is going to happen after all. FEMA wouldn't even get there until the Winter Meetings started in December. At least maybe then, they could prevent Omar Minaya from overpaying some schlub to play for the Mets. (Remember the Ollie-mo!)

Undercover Brother

He might be one bad mother [shut yo mouth], but before he would get the job done, a sexy lady would inevitably come between U.B. and the mission to prevent the Yankees and Phillies from meeting until next year's Grapefruit League games. We'll leave him for the smaller jobs. This job requires someone who can devote 100% of his attention to the task at hand, not 100% attention to who he's got on each hand. By the way, that's a nice picture, Mr. Brother...

Kenny Rogers

Seriously? Kenny Rogers? The man who broke the hearts of Mets fans everywhere when he walked Braves Nation into the 1999 World Series? He's the one you'd expect to bring Molotov cocktails to a pyromaniacs convention, not the one you'd call upon for your one-man disaster relief squad. I mean, come on, people! The photo to the left is his MUG SHOT! He can't even prevent his own disasters!

Kenny Rogers

Okay, now we're just getting silly here. This is supposed to be serious. This Kenny Rogers obviously did a little too much gambling and couldn't prevent disaster from happening to his own face. He didn't know when to hold 'em and his plastic surgeon surely didn't know when to STOP folding him. That being said, perhaps Kenny could recommend some doctors to the Phillies and Yankees. Now that I think about it, this might not be so silly after all.

Kenny

Oh, my God! Kenny killed the World Series! How brilliant would that be? South Park's most famous murder victim would be absolutely PERFECT for the Mets to call upon to stop the Yankees-Phillies Fall Crassic from happening. Just being in Kenny's presence might cause a few players to keel over. No players, no Fall Crassic, which is exactly what happened when the World Series was cancelled in 1994. Also, South Park is located in Colorado. What Colorado native wouldn't want to do harm to the Phillies after the Rockies were ousted by them in the NLDS?


There you have it, SMFs! It appears as if Kenny from South Park will be doing his best to prevent a Yankees-Phillies World Series from taking place. Good luck, Kenny. Just one little thing before you go on your mission.

PLEASE DON'T DIE BEFORE THE END OF THE ALCS AND NLCS!

If you do die, we might have to hire one of the Kenny Rogerseseses and then there would certainly be no joy in Mets-ville. Godspeed, little buddy!