Jimmy Rollins, Comedian

I've got a funny story to tell you.  No, really.  It'll crack you up.  It's about Phillies' shortstop Jimmy Rollins.  Giggling yet?  Okay, here goes.

Jimmy Rollins wants a five-year contract.

I'll give you a few moments to collect yourself.

It's true.  The former National League MVP (accent on "former") and soon-to-be free agent is seeking a five-year deal to remain with the Phillies or with whoever doesn't mind giving their money away.

 Jimmy Rollins' decision to ask for a five-year deal is certainly a head-scratcher.

Let's review this together.  This isn't the 2007 Jimmy Rollins we're taking for a spin here.  You remember that model, don't you?  Rollins was 28 years old and entering his prime when he proclaimed the Phillies as the team to beat in the National League East and then went out and delivered an MVP season.  That was four years ago.

Now Rollins is about to turn 33.  He is coming off a season in which he was placed on the disabled list for the fourth time in four seasons.  He has also continued his decline as the Phillies' leadoff hitter and spark plug.  After his magical 2007 season in which he hit .296 with 38 doubles, a league-leading 20 triples, 30 HR, 94 RBI, 41 SB and 139 runs scored (also pacing the NL in that category), his numbers have suffered.

Since 2008, Rollins has missed a total of 126 games for the Phillies.  His batting average over the past four seasons has been an unimpressive .261 and his on-base percentage (.325) has not been what a team should expect from its leadoff hitter.  Furthermore, Rollins' unexpected power surge in 2007 has proven to be a fluke, as the shortstop has averaged only 14 HR per season since his MVP season.

Speaking of flukes, do you remember those 20 triples he hit in 2007?  (You should.  I only mentioned it two paragraphs ago.)  In the four years since the 2007 campaign, Rollins has managed to hit only 19 triples.  That's one less triple in a quartet of seasons than he managed to hit in one playing-over-his-head season.

So we have a player who's clearly on the downside of his career, knows all the employees at the DL Hotel by first name, and this player is asking to be rewarded with a five-year contract?  Is he being serious or does he think we're as dumb as Turd Ferguson?

Turd Ferguson doesn't think Jimmy Rollins is being funny with his contract demands, and Turd Ferguson knows a thing or two about what's funny.

Let's talk about some of Jimmy Rollins' teammates, shall we?  First, there's Cliff Lee.  In 2010, he helped lead the Texas Rangers to their first World Series appearance in franchise history, a year after he pitched in the Fall Classic for the Phillies.  From 2008 to 2010, Lee went 48-25 with a 2.98 ERA and picked up valuable postseason experience.  For his efforts, the Phillies signed the 32-year-old Lee to a $120 million contract.  How long was this contract for?  Five years.

Now, let's discuss Rollins' infield mate, Ryan Howard.  The Phillies' behemoth has been one of the most feared power hitters in all of baseball since making his major league debut in 2004.  Since 2006, Howard has averaged 44 HR and 133 RBI per season, along with a .274 batting average and .369 on-base percentage.  In April 2010, the Phillies gave the then-30-year-old Howard a $125 million contract extension that would begin in 2012.  What was the length of Howard's deal?  Five years.

Finally, let's look at a certain Harry Leroy Halladay.  The Phillies traded for Halladay prior to the 2010 season and gave him a $60 million contract extension that began this season.  At the time of the trade and subsequent extension, Halladay was 32 years old.  Since then, Halladay has given the Phillies a regular season perfect game, a postseason no-hitter, a 40-16 won-loss record and a stellar 2.40 ERA.  So how long was that extension the Phillies gave him?  Three years.

So Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay, two of the best pitchers in the National League who have no health issues and are showing no signs of slowing down, get five years and three years, respectively.  Ryan Howard, the top slugger in the league who had no injury history prior to signing his deal, also gets five years.  None of the three players was older than 32 years old at the time they signed their deals with the Phillies.

Jimmy Rollins is currently older than all three players mentioned above at the time they put their John Hancocks on their contracts.  He also has an injury history and has seen a sharp decline in his numbers, something Lee, Halladay and Howard could not say when they signed on the dotted line.

There is no way Rollins will get a five-year contract from anyone, including the only team he has suited up for.  If the Phillies gave five years to the healthy, productive and younger Cliff Lee and Ryan Howard and only three years to one of the best pitchers of our generation in Roy Halladay, why should they give the brittle Rollins what he's asking for?

Jose Reyes might not get more than five years and that's the 28-year-old reigning National League batting champion we're talking about.  Rollins should consider himself lucky if he gets a Jeter-esque three-year deal. 

Simply stated, Wile E. Coyote, Genius has a better chance to get a five-year deal than Jimmy Rollins, Comedian.  At least with Wile E., you know he'll come back from an injury quickly to do what he does best.

Phoreshadowing The Phillies' Phuture

In making the final out of the Phillies' season for the second straight year, Ryan Howard suffered an apparent Achilles injury, falling to the ground and writhing in pain as the Cardinals celebrated their unlikely division series victory.  In a worst-case scenario (torn ACL), Howard would miss nine months or more while recovering from surgery to repair the tear.  In other words, Howard's 2012 season would be kaput.

Although Ryan Howard batted only .253 for the Phillies in 2011, he was their main power source, providing 33 HR and 116 RBI in 152 games.  For a team that plays half of its games in a hitter-friendly ballpark, Howard was the only player to hit over 20 HR.  Free-agent-to-be Raul Ibañez was second on the team with exactly 20 HR and 84 RBI.  Take out Howard and the soon-to-be 40-year-old Ibañez, and no Phillie hit more than 17 HR (Shane Victorino, of all people, hit 17 bombs) or picked up more than 63 RBI (accomplished by Jimmy Rollins, another free-agent-to-be who has already gone on the record as saying he won't accept a hometown discount to re-sign with the Phillies).

So if Howard doesn't play in 2012 and Ibañez leaves via free agency, the Phillies' lineup will look an awful lot like the Mets.  Even with those two players in the everyday lineup for Philadelphia in 2011, the Mets still scored more runs (718) than the Phillies (713), produced more doubles (309 to 258), triples (39 to 38), hits (1,477 to 1,409), stolen bases (130 to 96) and even led them in walks (571 to 539).  That's right.  The Mets, who used Daniel Murphy as their cleanup hitter for 33 games, were walked 32 more times than the Phillies, who supposedly have a more fearsome lineup.

Now take Howard and Ibañez out of that lineup and what do you have left?  A declining and oft-injured second baseman in Chase Utley, an as-yet unsigned shortstop who will be 33 in November and who has a career OBP of .329 primarily out of the leadoff spot in the batting order, and a 36-year-old third baseman who produced a .277, 5 HR, 50 RBI season in 122 games played (numbers eerily similar to Justin Turner's 2011 season). Basically, the Phillies offense will be led by Shane Victorino and Hunter Pence.  I mean, catcher Carlos Ruiz led all Phillies' starters (minimum 100 games played as a Phillie) in batting average with a .283 mark.  When your most consistent hitter over a full season is Carlos Ruiz, that says a lot about your offense.

Does anyone really think Chase Utley is going to return to his All-Star caliber form?  Utley played in 103 games in 2011 and hit .259 with 11 HR and 44 RBI.  Think about that.  Batting in the middle of that lineup and playing in that bandbox of a ballpark, Utley managed only 44 RBI in 454 plate appearances.  To put that into perspective, Daniel Murphy drove in five more runs (49) than Utley did in 31 fewer plate appearances (423).  Even Josh Thole (40 RBI) drove in more runs per plate appearance (386 PA) than Utley did in 2011.  Since 2007, when Utley hit .332, his batting average has gone down every year.  He hit .292 in 2008, .282 in 2009, .275 in 2010 and bottomed out at .259 in 2011.  The Phillies will have to deal with his declining production for the remaining two years and $30 million of his contract.

 Like the rest of his teammates, Chase Utley is literally down and out.

If Jimmy Rollins doesn't return, who will be their starting shortstop?  (It better not be Jose Reyes.)  Surely, they can't entrust the position to Wilson Valdez, he of the .294 OBP in 2011?  But maybe his defense is better than Rollins.  Uh, actually it's not.  Rollins played in 142 games and made only seven errors, while Valdez played in 99 games and committed nine errors.

Ever since Scott Rolen showed his brotherly love for Philadelphia by leaving the city in a trade in 2002, the Phillies have been searching for his replacement.  They tried David Bell from 2003-2006 and got nothing.  They employed a trio of third sackers in 2007 (Greg Dobbs, Wes Helms, Abraham Nuñez), all of whom started at least 50 games at the hot corner.  They tried Pete Happy (Pedro Feliz) for two seasons in 2008 and 2009, before finally settling on Placido Polanco in 2010.  This is the same Placido Polanco who was acquired in the Scott Rolen trade in 2002 and replaced him at third base for the remainder of that season before moving over to second base in 2003 and 2004 to accommodate David Bell.  Once Chase Utley was called up to the team, Polanco was out of a job and was traded to Detroit in 2005, where he blossomed, hitting .311 in four seasons with the Tigers.  So of course, the Phillies re-signed him prior to the 2010 season and have seen his numbers wilt.

As of right now, Hunter Pence is the only regular position player on the Phillies who isn't north of age 30.  The pitching staff of Halladay, Lee, Hamels and Oswalt might be truncated by one in 2012, as Roy Oswalt has a $16 mutual option for the 2012 season.  However, Oswalt went 9-10 for a team that won 102 games, finished the year with his second-highest ERA over a full season in his 11-year career, and spent almost two months on the disabled list.  If the Phillies think that's worth $16 million, who am I to stop them?

Vance Worley might be able to replace Oswalt in the rotation, but is he for real?  In parts of two seasons with the Phillies, Worley is 12-4 with a 2.86 ERA in 23 starts.  But this great start wasn't something that could have been predicted after looking at his numbers in the minor leagues.  Worley started 76 games over parts of four seasons in the minors.  In those starts, he was barely above .500, going 25-23.  His ERA was unimpressive (3.80) and his WHIP (1.25) wasn't exactly among the league leaders.  He also wasn't a strikeout pitcher in the minors, averaging 6.9 strikeouts per nine innings.  Then he comes to the major leagues, where hitters aren't familiar with him and he lowers his ERA by a full run, while upping his strikeout rate to 8.1 K/9 IP.  At least Cole Hamels' major league success followed an impressive minor league career, one in which he went 14-4 with a 1.43 ERA, 0.95 WHIP and registered 12.4 strikeouts per nine innings.

You didn't think I'd mention Cole Hamels and not show his photo, did you?

There are too many question marks surrounding the Phillies in 2012.  Their position players are getting older and piling up more injuries.  Their main source for power might miss the entire 2012 season, a season in which his new five-year, $125 million contract kicks in.  Their left side of the infield might consist of Placido Polanco and Wilson Valdez, two players in their mid-30s, who combined for six home runs and 80 RBI in 2011.  If John Mayberry (15 HR, 49 RBI in 104 games) becomes the Phillies' main power source in 2012, their lineup won't look very scary at all.

Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee might continue to be All-Star-caliber pitchers for years to come.  Or maybe they'll both realize that they're entering their mid-30s and will suffer the same setbacks the other thirty-somethings on the Phillies are.  The Phillies are in more trouble than people think.  Their seasons are ending earlier year after year (World Series losers in 2009, NLCS losers in 2010, NLDS losers in 2011), and that may be a sign of things to come.

For a team like the Mets, the gap between them and the Phillies might be as wide as it's going to get.  The Mets might not have to shorten that gap on their own.  The Phillies might be helping them do it with their multiple albatross contracts and their inevitable meeting with Father Time.  And it all began last night, when Ryan Howard's Achilles decided to go kaplooey.  Because of it, the Phillies' dominance in the National League might soon be going kaplooey as well.

Charlie Manuel Gets No Stars For His All-Star Selections

The National League All-Stars have been named and as always, there are some notable snubs. This happens every year and will not change until Major League Baseball either expands the All-Star Game rosters or eliminates the "every team must be represented" rule.

One such snub was Mets starting pitcher Mike Pelfrey. Coming into tonight's game, Big Pelf had an outstanding 10-2 record and a 2.93 ERA. However, he was not selected by Charlie Manuel (he earned the right to manage the National League All-Star team by leading his team to last year's World Series) to pitch in Anaheim next Tuesday.

Looking at the National League All-Star roster, some players whose names are not familiar to the common fan were selected as their respective team's sole All-Star representative. These players include relief pitcher Evan Meek of the Pittsburgh Pirates and closer Matt Capps of the Washington Nationals.

One might say that because these two pitchers "had to be" selected by Charlie Manuel to fulfill the "every team must be represented" rule, Mike Pelfrey was denied a spot that appeared certain to be his. I claim otherwise.

For example, what's the deal with Charlie Manuel's love of Atlanta Braves players? He took Brian McCann (.265, 10 HR, 34 RBI) to back up Yadier Molina behind the plate. Normally, this wouldn't be a bad choice. Did he fail to notice that Miguel Olivo of the Rockies was doing better in all three categories (.307, 11 HR, 39 RBI)? Olivo also has five triples to McCann's big fat zero. Defensively, Olivo is a monster, throwing out more than half the runners who have attempted to steal against him (20 runners caught stealing in 39 attempts). McCann? Not so much. He has only thrown out 17 runners in 58 attempts.

If McCann's selection doesn't seem odd to you, then what about the selection of his teammate, Omar Infante? The Braves' utility player has only played in 57 games this season. Although he's hitting a healthy .309, his other numbers (23 runs, 22 RBI, eight doubles, one home run) are less than stellar. What about the King of All Snubs, Reds first baseman Joey Votto?

In the month of June alone, Votto hit .314, with 21 runs scored, 8 HR and 22 RBI. That's right. Joey Votto, the non-All-Star, basically did in one month (but with more power) what All-Star Omar Infante has done ALL YEAR!

For the year, Votto is hitting .312, with 19 HR, 57 RBI and 53 runs scored. (Note to fans: Immediately after typing this paragraph, Votto his 20th HR of the year against fellow All-Star snub, Mike Pelfrey.)

Need I say more about Charlie Manuel's questionable All-Star selection strategy? Yes, I do!

St. Louis Cardinals' first baseman Albert Pujols was voted in by the fans to start the All-Star Game for the National League squad. No one should object to that selection.

However, who did the Kool-Aid Man take as Pujols' backup? He took his own first baseman, Ryan Howard.

Howard is having a good year (.293, 15 HR, 59 RBI), but the numbers are far below his standards. So why did Manuel say "oh, yeahhhhh!" to Howard and not to Votto?

According to the Detroit Free Press, Manuel selected Howard over Votto because (and we quote):

"He's my guy, our player, my guy."

So basically, Charlie Manuel is saying that he likes his players and thinks the way to getting home field advantage in the World Series is with the feared bat of Omar Infante.

On the bright side, it appears as if All-Star pitcher Yovani Gallardo will not be pitching in the Midsummer Classic because of an oblique injury. That paves the way for Mike Pelfrey to get the call to Anaheim that he's worked all season to get.

Pelfrey should not have needed any help to earn his first All-Star selection, but if Charlie Manuel wants to correct his oversight, he'll take Pelfrey to replace Gallardo. It wouldn't hurt Big Pelf's chances if he sent Manuel a plate of his delicious sliders.

Even with the Phillies winning three straight division titles, two consecutive National League pennants and a World Series championship two years ago, the Mets remain on their minds, especially the small one inside the head of Charlie Manuel.

A few months ago, Charlie Manuel suggested that the Mets must be stealing signs to gain a home field advantage. Now he's doing a snub-a-dub-dub to Mike Pelfrey (and Joey Votto) in order to take less deserving players and players on his team (which may actually be redundant).

Here's a request from Studious Metsimus to the rest of the National League. Please make sure the Phillies don't make the playoffs this season. We can't have another year of Charlie Manuel going all holier-than-thou with his managerial duties by making these foolish decisions with the National League All-Star roster. The National League and its fans deserve better than this pompous fool calling the shots.

Studious Metsimus Exclusive: Pedro Martinez Joins Bloods

Throughout the years, Pedro Martinez has made it quite clear that he is not fond of the Yankees. His hatred of the Evil Empire runs through his veins. Now he has taken his venom to a new level. That's right, my loyal SMFs. Pedro Martinez has gone gangsta.

But we're not talking about Jerry Manuel gangsta (that's gangsta-lite). We're talking about the real deal here. As this exclusive photo shows you, Pedro Martinez has now joined the Bloods.

This was not an unexpected move. In 2001, while a member of the Red Sox, Petey Daddy (as he's known on the streets) asked the media if they could wake up the Bambino (Babe Ruth) so he could drill him in the ass.

Two years later during the 2003 ALCS, Petey Daddy was involved in a bench-clearing incident with the Yankees. After teammate Manny Ramirez showed his displeasure at an inside pitch that he believed was an attempt at headhunting, Mr. Daddy decided to do a little headhunting of his own after Yankee bench coach Don Zimmer charged at him during the fracas.









Petey Daddy's act of violence might have served as a precursor to becoming a Blood, but his actions did serve to expose Zimmer in a new light.

During the post-game press conference after Fight Night at Fenway was over, it was revealed that the term "Evil Empire" was quite appropriate to describe the Yankees. When Zimmer came up to the podium, he confessed to the media that he was really Darth Vader. Being the elder statesman on the Yankees, that made him Pedro's father. Hence, the "Who's your Daddy?" chants at Yankee Stadium.













Petey Daddy is now a member of the Phillies and he's facing the Yankees in the World Series for the first time. Although he is now a few years older, his affiliation with the Bloods means that his "family" will have his back on the field in case he encounters difficulties on the mound.

If Alex Rodriguez dares to get a base hit off Petey Daddy, Kate Hudson will be "taken care of". If A.J. Burnett is seen running around with shaving cream pies, Petey's brothers will give A.J. their own version of a close shave.

The only problem Petey Daddy might encounter could be internal. In another exclusive photo, it appears as if Ryan Howard has affiliated himself with Snoop Dogg. Although that is not reason enough to cause a feud in the clubhouse, the Doggfather was once a member of the Crips, a.k.a. the Bloods' sworn enemies.











Could Ryan Howard and his "connections" be the ones who could stop Petey Daddy from bringing down the Evil Empire? Perhaps. But I wouldn't count on it. The power of Petey might be too much for the Yankees to handle.

Be afraid, Yankees. Be very afraid. Once upon a time, Petey Daddy claimed to want the Babe exhumed so he could drill him in the ass. Now he's probably prepared to bust a cap in his ass as well.