Dickeypedia Word of The Week: Syntax

R.A. Dickey. It's not just his initials that are rad. It's everything about the Mets' knuckleballer.

As one of the few Mets with a higher GPA than ERA (Dickey's grade point average as an English Literature major at the University of Tennessee was 3.35; his earned run average for the Mets in 2010 was 2.84), Dickey has used his extensive vocabulary in numerous interviews and while doing book reviews.

Yes, R.A. Dickey reviews books, and we're not talking about Vanilla Ice's autobiography (Ice By Ice: The Vanilla Ice Story In His Own Words, in case you wanted your own copy). We're talking about some of the best tomes in modern and classic literature. Here is one such review, as Dickey discusses Yann Martel's novel, "The Life of Pi", in Sunday's edition of the New York Post:

"Pi and his mom are in a shipwreck — he runs an animal circus — and this is about their journey. The oceanliner sends two reps to interview Pi, who tells an outlandish story that’s basically the story you’re reading. He also gives another version, and the reader has to choose. One story has a religious component, and that’s the one I chose. It’s beautifully written — I love the language, the structure, the climax, even the syntax."

At Studious Metsimus, we love how R.A. uses language and structure in his book reviews. We also approve of Dickey's (ahem) climax. But syntax? Well, let's just knuckle our way over to the dictionary and see what Dickey means by that:

syntax:

• 1. the study of the rules that govern the ways in which words combine to from phrases, clauses and sentences.
• 2. the arrangement of words in a sentence.

Got that? No? Okay, we'll give that one to you. It's not the easiest word to define. Even the definition needs a definition. So who better to use the word "syntax" in a sentence than a former Met who knows a thing or two about it.

In 1993, Bobby Bonilla became the fifth Met to hit as many as 34 home runs in a single season, following Frank Thomas (1962), Dave Kingman (1975, 1976, 1982), Darryl Strawberry (1987, 1988, 1990) and Howard Johnson (1987, 1989, 1991). Seven years later, the Mets bought out Bonilla's contract, agreeing to pay him an earplug short of $1.2 million per year for 25 years beginning July 1, 2011.

Syntax was very important for the former Bronx tour guide in his contract, so before anyone falls asleep, let's hand it over to Bobby Bo. Wake up, Bobby!

"I can't wait to collect my first paycheck from the Mets on July 1. Then I can go to Las Vegas with Rickey Henderson to play poker without any of you guys in the media writing about it. Wait a minute. If I win any money in the Sin City casinos, do I have to pay a syntax?"

Um, yeah. Perhaps we were mistaken in thinking that Bobby Bonilla would be able to clarify the definition of "syntax". Maybe we should just have His R.A.D.-ness define his own words instead of going to a misinformed malcontent like Bonilla.

While we're at it, perhaps Dickey can suggest an accountant for Bonilla as well - one who won't try to collect a syntax from him come tax time. After all, past and present Mets should always help each other in times of need. You never know. Dickey now has $7.8 million coming to him over the next two years. He may need someone to show him where to buy a nice house in the Bronx...

World Series Turf War: Jay-Z vs. Big Willie Style

Rivalries. They exist everywhere. Whether it's the Mets and the Phillies, Tupac and Biggie or Sally Struthers and a truckload of Ring Dings, rivalries can turn former friends into sworn enemies (except Struthers and the Ring Dings; they're still on speaking terms).

Now we have a new rivalry forming. Because of the upcoming World Series between the Phillies and the Yankees, Philadelphia native Will Smith has entered into a war of words with noted Yankee fan Jay-Z. Here is the tale of the tape between Mr. Jada and Mr. Beyoncé:

Will Smith burst out of the West Philly scene with DJ Jazzy Jeff, had a string of Top 40 hits, but his time as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air changed him. His clean image took a hit when he was seen smacking Carlton behind Uncle Phil's back and he also never intervened whenever his supposed best friend, Jazzy Jeff was thrown out of the mansion. Big Willie Style left his brotherly love in Philly when he went out west.

Jay-Z rose from the projects in Bed-Stuy to become one of the leading entrepreneurs in hip-hop. He is the co-owner of the 40/40 Club and the New Jersey Nets, but he has also made some poor business decisions. For example, he attempted to sell his Roca-Pads tampons by using Chappelle's Show as his infomercial. Then, he made his wife Beyoncé angry when he attempted to be a backseat driver (see photo below). Not smart to go Big Pimpin' on stage.

Will Smith has since recovered from his Bel-Air brainwashing. With numerous box office successes (let's not talk about "Wild Wild West") and a successful marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith, the former Fresh Prince has now decided to throw his Hancock into the ring by taking on Jay-Z as their cities are being represented by the Phillies and the Yankees in the World Series.

They have decided to battle on the mics. Smith began by laying down these fresh rhymes:

"I was once the Fresh Prince, but now my Phillies are regal.
The Yankees are endangered like my friend, the bald eagle.
Jay-Z might be living in his Empire State of Mind.
But I'm the one who's gonna tap his wife's lovely behind."

When Jay-Z was informed that Smith believed that he was ready for Beyoncé's jelly, he did not seem to be perturbed. However, things changed when he realized that Smith had also badmouthed the Yankees.

Without giving so much as a thought, Jay-Z freestyled his response to Smith:

"I'm gonna make sure you live a Hard Knock Life.
For dissin' on my Yankees and mackin' on my wife.
I'll savor our victory while you cry in defeat.
Welcome to the Bronx: the real nightmare on your street."

So the battle is on. The war will not only be fought between the foul lines; it will also be fought in the luxury boxes. Jay-Z and his Yankees vs. Big Willie Style and his Phillies. Who will live? Who will die? Who'll be crying like a baby when Suge Knight hangs him off the press box? (It'll probably still be Vanilla Ice.)

All of these questions will be answered over the course of the next four to seven games. Now excuse me while our combatants are getting ready to take the stage at Yankee Stadium. I believe their wives are in need of some company...