National (Lack of) Pride

As first reported by Tim Brown of Yahoo! Sports, Oliver Perez has agreed to a minor league deal with the Washington Nationals. The signing comes two days after the Mets parted ways with the president of the Rick Vaughn Fan Club. Should he succeed (>snicker<) at AAA-Syracuse, Perez will get the opportunity to join a staff that features such stalwarts as Jason Marquis (2-9, 6.60 ERA) and produced only one starter with an ERA under 4.65 (Livan Hernandez, who went 10-12 with a 3.66 ERA).

If the recently impeached El Perez-idente "earns" a spot with the Nationals, Mets fans won't have to wait very long to boo him at Citi Field, as Washington will be the Mets' opponent when Citi Field opens its doors for the 2011 season on April 8. Since the Mets are still paying Ollie $12 million this year (minus the amount Washington is paying him), they might finally get their money's worth if Perez comes into the game and pitches like his normal self.

With the signing of Perez, Washington will no longer have to worry about people ridiculing them for giving former Phillies' rightfielder Jayson Werth $126 million over seven years. They will now have something else to be ridiculed for.

The Phillies signed Luis Castillo to a minor league contract earlier this week. Now the Nationals have signed Oliver Perez to a similar deal. The Mets' castoffs are finding new employers for their services (or what passes for services) without leaving the division. Does that mean the Braves will be signing Victor Zambrano next? Do the Marlins have an offer on the table for Kaz Matsui?

The Mets may or may not improve in the standings this year, but it sure feels a lot sunnier in the clubhouse now that the dark clouds have lifted. Let the Phillies and Nationals deal with Castillo and Perez. Who knows? Maybe they're better equipped to weather the storm. But I wouldn't be surprised if they were forced to order extra galoshes at some point this year.

Song Parody: Ollie B. Gone

So have you heard that Oliver Perez was released today? Yes? Oh. Then I guess I don't have to put a spoiler alert on this blog. But yes, it's true. Oliver Perez is no longer a Met. El Perez-idente was finally impeached after spending the past two years in a position nobody elected him to.

Remember 2008? That was the year after Oliver Perez went 15-10 with a 3.56 ERA for the Mets. In 2008, Ollie's win total decreased to ten, while his ERA increased to 4.22. He also led the league in walks that season with 105. Still, the Mets felt it necessary to pay $36 million over the next three years to retain the services of the man who would probably find a way to walk Helen Keller if she came up to bat against him.

The year 2008 was also the fiftieth anniversary of one of the greatest rock n' roll songs ever written. In 1958, Chuck Berry recorded "Johnny B. Goode", a song that has one of the most recognizable opening guitar riffs and has been covered by dozens of artists over the year. Mets fans might also remember it as longtime reliever John Franco's entry music.

In "honor" of the release of Oliver Perez, Studious Metsimus would like to celebrate with its own version of Chuck Berry's classic. So let's stop talkin' and let's get rockin' to "Ollie B. Gone".


Way down in Port St. Lucie on a field of dreams
Look back up in the bullpen on the New York team
There stood a lefty pitcher whose career was near done
He was Oliver Perez; now he's Ollie B. Gone
He never ever learned to throw a strike so well
But he would give up ten runs every time he got shelled

Just go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Ollie B. Gone!

He had a bunch of teammates who would have his back
Like Endy in Game Seven on the warning track
But when those teammates noticed how much Ollie got paid
They knew he'd lose his rhythm and the Metsies would fade
So Mets fans passing by would just stop and say
"I hope the game gets rained out so that Ollie can't play!"

Just go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Go Ollie go!
Go!
Ollie B. Gone!

The Mets fans told him "Ollie, don't you make us laugh
By saying you will be part of a big league staff."
Many of us driving from miles around
Are hearing news that you were booted out of our town
So today we'll celebrate in joyous delight
Now that Ollie B. Gone tonight!

Just go!
Go Ollie go!
Go go go Ollie go!
Go go go Ollie go!
Go go go Ollie go!
Go!
Ollie B. Gone!

Ollie's Fair In Love And War

Oliver Perez might have been pitching to save face and his job this afternoon when he took the mound against the St. Louis Cardinals. After tossing two scoreless innings in which he allowed two hits and did not walk a batter, Ollie appears to be safe for now. Of course, he faced mostly minor league hitters dressed in Cardinals jerseys, but who are we to quibble?

Actually, we've quibbled quite a bit over the past two seasons about Oliver Perez. We've asked for his unconditional release, we've asked him to follow in the footsteps of Kevin Saucier and retire while he's still in his 20s, and we've outed him for having a child as a bodyguard. Still, there was a time when Oliver Perez wasn't so despised.

We won't go so far as to say that Ollie was beloved at Shea Stadium, but from the 2006 NLCS through the Shea Goodbye ceremony in 2008 (El Perez-idente started that final game at Shea and pitched far better than Tom Glavine did in the previous season's finale), Perez wasn't all that bad. He certainly wasn't the vilified pariah he has become since the Mets loaded up their moving van and traveled across the parking lot to Citi Field. Of course, Ollie wasn't making anywhere near $12 million between 2006 and 2008, so perhaps that has something to do with the fans' vitriol towards him.

If you're too young or choose to forget that Oliver Perez was actually a serviceable pitcher at one time, perhaps this will remind you:

Even Oliver Perez seems shocked that he was actually a good pitcher once. Once.

• In 2007 and 2008, Ollie went 25-17 for the Mets. In the team's 49-year history, only 38 pitchers have won at least 25 games over their entire Mets career. Ollie was able to reach that total in only two seasons.

• Out of all the pitchers in franchise history who have been on the mound for at least 500 innings, only 20 of them finished with a career winning percentage of .500 or better. One of them is Oliver Perez, whose 29-29 win-loss record as a Met ties him with Jesse Orosco (47-47) for 20th place. Ollie's career winning percentage in New York is higher than Gary Gentry (.494), Tug McGraw (.461) and Nolan Ryan (.433) and only slightly lower than franchise legends Jerry Koosman (.505) and Jon Matlack (.503).

• Oliver Perez might have walked a batter or twelve over his Mets career, but hitters still have a tough time against him when they put the ball in play. In 4½ seasons as a Met, Ollie has allowed 8.38 hits per nine innings. That puts him 17th on the Mets' all-time list for fewest H/9IP, ahead of notable pitchers such as Bret Saberhagen, Rick Reed, Frank Viola and the non-devastated Tom Glavine.

• In less than five seasons, Ollie is 20th on the Mets' all-time list with 494 strikeouts. That puts him ahead of Nolan Ryan (493), Pedro Martinez (464) and Bob Ojeda (459). Ollie is also third in strikeouts per nine innings (8.55), behind only David Cone (8.72) and Nolan Ryan (8.70). It's true. Ollie ranks higher than Tom Seaver or Dwight Gooden, the two pitchers who are generally considered to be the best in franchise history.

To even things out, Oliver Perez is 17th on the franchise's all-time list for home runs allowed. He also ranks 17th in most walks allowed and 10th in hit batsmen, all of which are negative categories. However, from the list above, it's clear that Ollie has done quite well for himself in a number of positive pitching categories.

So what does this say about the Mets? For a team that has prided itself on having great pitchers over the years, does this mean that the well has run dry? How can a team that featured rotations of Seaver, Koosman and Matlack in the '70s and Gooden, Darling, Ojeda and Fernandez in the '80s have Oliver Perez finding his way into the club's all-time leaderboard?

Perhaps the Mets have had lack of pitching talent over the past 20 years. Perhaps the good pitchers never stay in New York for very long. Or perhaps Oliver Perez was actually not as bad as the guy everyone wants to run out of town for just breathing near Citi Field. One thing's for sure. Oliver Perez is still a Met. He might be here all year. If he is, that all-time Mets leaderboard might have another Ollie or two the next time we check it.

Ollie, Ollie, Axe Him Please!

All throughout the winter, Oliver Perez has tried to regain what used to pass for his fastball. He went to the Mexican League and became a Tomato Picker (No, seriously. If you don't believe me, click here.) That failed.

He showed up early at Port St. Lucie for Spring Training and talked to Terry Collins and Sandy Alderson about his desire to start ballgames. Blah, blah, blah.

For approximately 15 minutes, he fooled Sandy Alderson into thinking that he had recovered the ability to throw strike one before ball four. Nice try, Ollie.

Now, he's been given until March 10 to prove to pitching coach Dan Warthen and the Mets why he should be a part of this team. If he fails to do so, he will either be demoted to the bullpen or given his outright release.

You'd think El Perez-idente would take advantage of the umpteenth opportunity afforded to him to prove that he can still earn at least one dollar of his $36 million contract. Right?

So today Ollie hops, skips and jumps his way to the mound in the Mets' exhibition game against the Braves. He's given two innings to try to save his career and our sanity. What does he do with the chance? I'll spell it out for you in six short sentences that even Ollie could understand:

• Two innings pitched.
• 12 batters faced.
• Four runs allowed.
• Four hits allowed (three singles, one double).
• Three bases on balls.
• .583 on-base percentage against him.

Never mind the fact that he also struck out three batters. Those were sympathy Ks by the Braves. They know that if they make him look good by racking up a few strikeouts, they make the decision to cut Oliver Perez far more difficult for Mets management.

Mets fans have put up with this poor excuse for a major league pitcher ever since he put his "x" on the three-year, $36 million contract in 2009. The day he left his John Hancock on that contract was the last time Oliver Perez was able to put something where he was told.

Do us all a favor, Mr. Alderson. That March 10 deadline for Oliver Perez? Ignore it. Make it February 27. Cut him now. If you don't, you risk having Terry Collins actually having to bring him into a game during the regular season when Ollie won't be facing players who will give him sympathy strikeouts.

Jesus saves. Too bad Oliver Perez's career has already gone to Hell.

We've had enough. In your short time as GM, you should be fed up as well. Increase your popularity rating with the Mets 46-fold by ridding the team of No. 46. In fact, just retire the number while you're at it. No one should be forced to wear the most unluckiest of numbers after Ollie's negative energy has permeated it.

Simply stated, "Ollie, Ollie, Axe Him Please!" At least if the season goes badly, that would give us one highlight to celebrate.

It's The End of Their World As They Know It (And We Feel Fine)

We interrupt your regularly scheduled day of blog reading to give you breaking news that's already been broken. Omar Minaya has been relieved of his GM duties and Jerry Manuel's option for the 2011 season was not picked up.

Of course, this wasn't even breaking news before it became official. It was a foregone conclusion that the man famous for inserting the words "that being said" into every other sentence and the man known as Dead Manuel Walking were not going to retain their positions after the completion of the 2010 season.

The team had underachieved since the end of the 2006 season. The players were performing below expectations and if there was camaraderie between the players, it wasn't as evident as it should be with winning teams.

It is the general manager's job to put the team together and the manager's job to get them to perform between the white lines.

Omar did his best to put Los Mets together. That being said, that also included offering contracts that were far too long to the ostracized Oliver "El Perez-idente" Perez and Luis "Squeam Queen" Castillo. Other players that were signed for more years than they should have been were Orlando "The Dookie" Hernandez, Pedro "I Left My Fastball In Beantown" Martinez and Carlos Beltran (sorry, we like Don Carlos, so we won't give him a demeaning nickname). He also traded for fan-favorite, but now increasingly fragile Johan Santana.

Jerry Manuel was forced to manage an oft-injured group of ragtag players, a job that most managers would have difficulty doing, although a fellow Manuel (Charlie) had no problem doing that when his star players were dropping faster than Citi Field's paid attendance figures.

Part of Charlie Manuel's success with being able to survive his club's injuries was that his GM, Ruben Amaro Jr., was able to provide him with the right players to fill in the holes left by the disabled players.

When Rip Van Winkle (Jamie Moyer) went down with an injury, Amaro swung a deal with the Astros for Roy Oswalt. All four infielders for the Phillies (Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Placido Polanco) were also hurt at some point of the season. Amaro made sure each player had better than adequate replacements in Ross Gload, Ben Francisco and Wilson Valdez. Those three players combined to hit .266 (170-for-640), which was higher than the team's collective batting average (.260). In those 640 at-bats, which are about the same amount an everyday player would collect over a full season, the trio collected 37 doubles, three triples, 16 HR and 85 RBI, while scoring 77 runs and going a perfect 16-for-16 in stolen bases. They also excelled defensively, combining to make a total of four errors in 569 total chances.

While the Phillies didn't miss a beat when one of their star players got hurt, what did Omar Minaya give us? Either not yet ready for prime time players (Ruben Tejada, Jesus Feliciano, Lucas Duda) or the curious case of Joaquin Arias, who, like Benjamin Button, seemed to age backwards as seen by the photos below.



A general manager is the head talent evaluator. His job is to put together the best team possible so that his manager can put the best possible lineup on the field. Unfortunately for Jerry Manuel, the best team possible was never THE BEST TEAM. There were 25 guys, or 23½ as suggested by The Better Half in her recent post for Mets Merized Online, but these guys were never a team. Ruben Amaro has put together a team of guys in Philadelphia, not guys who were part of a team, like Omar Minaya put together in New York.

The new general manager has to realize that teams win games. He has to give the manager not just the best individual players, but the guys who stand the best chance to become a cohesive unit that can all contribute to winning ballgames. Twenty-five individuals don't lead teams to championships, but one team of players can do that.

Omar Minaya and Jerry Manuel had early success with the Mets because they had a team of guys. Over the past few years, that team dissolved into a group of guys whose only common trait was the shirts on their backs. The formula is simple: Have team, will win. If the new general manager can't get the new manager a team of guys to work with, then they stand a good chance of being shown the same door that Omar and Jerry were last seen walking through.

How To Cope With Being Oliver Perez

Oliver Perez. The two words strung together in a sentence are enough to make a Met fan long for the days of Mel Rojas. To say Oliver Perez has been ineffective this since signing his three-year, $36 million contract would be an understatement. Ineffectiveness would be an improvement over the guano we've gotten from El Perez-idente.

Here are some quick numbers on the Mets' $36 million man:

Since signing his deal, Oliver Perez has won a total of three games, or three more than I have. In 110 innings, he has allowed 224 base runners, of which 95 reached via the walk and seven were hit by pitches. On every tenth pitch or so, when Oliver Perez has found the strike zone, opposing hitters have sent that pitch into orbit. Perez has allowed 21 home runs in those 110 innings, including the home run by Brian McCann last night.

Oliver Perez was sent to the bullpen and made his first relief appearance for the Mets on May 19. Since becoming a reliever, his ERA is 9.28. He's faced 57 batters and 28 of them have reached base (.491 on-base percentage). Perez has thrown a total of 233 pitches to those 57 batters, of which only 30 of them were called strikes. A whopping 107 of those pitches were called balls. Yet the Mets continue to keep this man on their active roster, paying him what has amounted to approximately $24,000 per strike. If a starting pitcher making 35 starts in a season got paid $24,000 per start, he'd earn $840,000 per year, or more than double what Cardinals' starting pitcher Jaime Garcia is being paid this year (Garcia is 12-6 with a 2.33 ERA and a $400,000 annual salary). Perez is earning that amount FOR EXTRA STRIKE HE HAS THROWN!

Let's just say that if Oliver Perez were spotted going to the bathroom at Citi Field, he'd be booed there as well (and then he'd miss the urinal). However, Ollie should take comfort in that he's not the first Met to be booed just for being alive. Studious Metsimus caught up with some of these former Mets to ask them for their feelings on what it was like to be booed during their time in New York.

Armando Benitez

I don't remember them booing me. In fact, I remember one time in an extra-inning game, I balked Jose Reyes to second base, then balked him home, then gave up a walk-off homer to Carlos Delgado. I didn't hear a single boo that night. Oh wait, I was on the Giants then?

Braden Looper

Why would you think they were booing me? All I heard every time I came into a game was LOOOOOOOO, because my last name is Looper.



Art Howe

I'm still confused why fans ever booed me. I was a great manager for the Oakland A's. I even gave Eric Valent a shot to play when no one else did and what did he do? He hit for the cycle! The Mets respected him so much that they didn't give away his #57 jersey to anyone until this guy named Johan came over.

Kaz Matsui

They had two reasons to boo me. First, I could never live up to the legend that was Tsuyoshi Shinjo. Second, I disgraced the #25, a number that belonged to Mets superstar and World Series of Poker fan Bobby Bonilla. Maybe I should make it up to him by finally allowing him to show me the Bronx.

Bobby Bonilla

I can't believe the Mets would give my number to that Mat-phooey guy. They should have retired my number! I was the MVP of the 1993 team! Now leave me alone. I have a card game to focus on.







So Oliver Perez is not alone when it comes to being booed at Shea Stadium/Citi Field. It's not just the guys above who have been booed. We tried getting in touch with George Foster but he was doing some motivational speaking for the Doug Sisk Fan Club. Mel Rojas was also unavailable because he was tending bar at Paul O'Neill's Pub.

Oliver Perez may not be wanted in New York, but he is not the first player to go through this. Ollie can look on the bright side. Next year, he'll probably be paid about half a million dollars per sunflower seed he spits out.

Missing Inaction - Please Help Oliver Perez Find Himself

Hello. This is Oliver Perez. Since I haven't been doing much, other than perfecting my sunflower seed spitting technique in the bullpen, I figured I'd try something new where my natural talents wouldn't be wasted. Therefore, I will be blogging for Studious Metsimus because all that time alone in the bullpen has made me pensive.

You see, I make $12 million a year. That alone should make the team want to use me. I'm young, have great "stuff" and have always been able to keep opposing hitters off-balance. So why doesn't Jerry Manuel want to bring me into a ballgame anymore?

I was considering putting my face on a "have you seen me?" flyer and passing them out near Citi Field, but on the first day I tried this, a man walked up to me, took a flyer, studied it carefully, then proceeded to use it to clean up after his dog.


I didn't have that much of a problem with that. After all, New York City law requires dog owners to clean up after their dogs or they could face a $100 fine. A hundred smackers was probably a lot of money for the man who took my flyer. (I wouldn't know since I make $12 million a year.) Therefore, he probably did the right thing by using the picture of my face as a toilet for his pup.

After that failed attempt at trying to decipher where I've been recently, I decided to enlist the military. I had heard they were hard at work trying to find Osama Bin Laden, so I figured I'd recruit them to determine my whereabouts so they could let Jerry Manuel know the next time he needed to warm up a pitcher in the bullpen.

But when I entered the recruiting location, I was immediately apprehended. When I asked why they were detaining me, they said I was carrying a Weapon of Mets Destruction. I denied their accusation vehemently, saying that it was Omar Minaya and the Wilpons they should be looking for, not me. It took many hours of convincing, but I finally got them to release me from their custody. Speaking of releasing, I passed by this sign on the way out of the recruiting center.

I would have asked what they meant by it, but I vaguely remember while I was in their custody one of them whispering softly into my ear, saying "don't ask, don't tell." After he gave me the full body cavity search, I decided that I wasn't going to do any asking for the rest of my time there. That included asking the significance of the sign.

Since ordinary citizens wouldn't help me and the ones we're counting on to protect our country wouldn't either, I decided to pose my question to a higher authority and went to church.

I went into the confessional, took one last nervous bite from the ball I had brought with me and proceeded to tell my story to the priest.

After I bared my soul to him, he told me to get out of his church and never show my face there again. He claimed I was asking for a miracle and that I had already been granted one when I signed the three-year deal with the Mets prior to the 2009 season.

Once again, I left a place where I thought I was going to get help, only to be rejected by those I had sought for guidance. I didn't even notice the sign outside the church before I entered but I couldn't help but notice it on my way out.

So there I was, at the end of my rope. My manager didn't want to use me as a starter and would rather use Manny Acosta to protect a one-run lead in the 14th inning of a road game against the Houston Astros. I hadn't pitched since August 1, when I gave up four runs in two innings of work against the Arizona Diamondbacks. The fans were treating me like I was the reincarnation of Doug Sisk. [Editor's note to Oliver Perez: Doug Sisk is still alive. Therefore, you cannot be his reincarnation. You're just another washed-up pitcher in denial that your skills have left you faster than David Caruso left NYPD Blue.]

I haven't been loved since...actually, I don't remember ever being loved at all. That makes me angry. Really angry. So angry I could...

Wait a minute. That's it!

Fellow reliever Francisco Rodriguez (a.k.a. Frankie Knuckles) has also not been seen near the mound in quite some time. He's living life just like me, as an outcast making an average of $12 million annually in the second season of a three-year contract. We have more in common than I ever thought possible!

I've been beaten down by dog-walkers, sweet-talking soldiers and Father Murphy. Maybe it's time I do some beating down of my own!

Therefore, I will proudly pump my left fist in the air, while joining forces with my teammate, beating down anyone who gets in our way. We've have it with all the abuse we've taken. Now it's time to dish out some pain of our own.

If the Mets aren't going to allow either of us to take the mound, then we'll take center stage somewhere else.

The team of Frankie Knuckles and El Perez-idente is leaving your precious overused bullpen (except when it came to us) and will next be seen in a ring near you, as members of Lucha Libre!

You have already seen Frankie put his knuckles to use last week at Citi Field when his girlfriend's father pushed him a little too far. Have you forgotten the days when I used to hop high into the air whenever I crossed the foul line? Those jumps and leg kicks weren't just for show. Now I'll be using them in the ring against all those who dare mock me.

Dog-walkers? Prepare to be kicked into submission. Fathers-in-law? You'll never escape the fists of fury.

The team of Frankie Knuckles and El Perez-idente will be coming to a town near you. You can run. You can hide. You can even go where we'd least expect to see you; at Citi Field. But no matter where you go and no matter what you do, you will never be able to escape the Masked Mets.

You've booed us, you're rejected us, you've made us feel uglier than George Foster in drag. Now you're going to get what's coming to you. Be afraid, Mets fans. Be very afraid.

Disclaimer: This blog was sponsored by the people (all one of them) who believe Oliver Perez Is an Underappreciated Met or O.P.I.U.M. for short. The views of the writer do not represent the views of Studious Metsimus. If they did, Studious Metsimus would lose a lot of its readers.

Joey's Soapbox: Luis Castillo Says "Get Me Out Of Here!"

Welcome to the latest edition of Joey's Soapbox. I'm your host, Joey Beartran. In today's rant, I will discuss our spoiled little second baseman, Luis Castillo. Why is he spoiled? Because yesterday, he revealed to the world that he no longer wants to be in New York.

Back in 2007, the Mets were desperate for some stability at second base after using the likes of Jose Valentin, Damion Easley and Ruben Gotay at the position. Therefore, in a move made at the trade deadline, the Mets sent Dustin Martin and Drew Butera to the Twins for Luis Castillo. In 50 games following the trade, Castillo hit .296, scoring 37 runs and stealing 10 bases. The Mets got what they expected from Castillo. In those 50 games, he gave them stability, a nice batting average, run-scoring ability and some stolen bases.

However, look at who the Twins accepted for him in the deal. Two no-names with limited futures in Martin (who dat?) and Butera (do I know you?). Three years later, Martin has still not played in the major leagues and Butera finally got called up this year for a 96 at-bat tryout in which he hit .208 for the Twins. Doesn't it look like the Twins knew Castillo was already past his prime and was not worth re-signing when he became a free agent at the end of the '07 season? If they thought he was truly valuable, wouldn't they have asked for more than "Who Dat?" and "Do I Know You?"?

Obviously, the Mets were satisfied with Castillo's performance in those 50 games with the team. Not liking any of the other free agent second basemen, they signed Castillo to a four-year, $25 million contract to be Jose Reyes' double play partner until 2011. At the time, Castillo was already 32 years old. Did the Mets really think Mr. Gimpy would play four full seasons for the team and be productive each year?

In the three years prior to signing what should be his last multi-year deal, Castillo hit .299, and averaged 82 runs and 18 stolen bases per season. Those numbers were good, but were a far cry from his numbers with the Marlins, when he hit .300 or better on four occasions, scored 90 or more runs thrice and stole at least 48 bases three times, including 2000 and 2002, when he led the league in steals both times.

It should have been clear to the Mets that they were getting a player on the downside of his career, but good ol' Mr. Minaya felt that Castillo was worthy of a contract that was as long as a presidential term.

So what have the Mets gotten in return for their investment? In 292 games with the Mets under his new contract, Castillo has hit .272 (well below his .291 career average) and has only scored 143 runs, while stealing 44 bases. The man who was supposed to be a tablesetter for the Mets, along with Jose Reyes, has averaged less than 50 runs scored per season since he joined the team and is stealing as many bases as Jason Bay. He is nothing more than a station-to-station player now, who rarely collects extra-base hits (only four doubles and two triples this season in 200 at-bats.

How much do the Mets dislike using Castillo now? They'd rather give the second base position to Ruben Tejada, who would lose a batting title to Bob Uecker and Mario Mendoza right now with his .180 batting average. Yes, Harry Doyle himself can out-hit the Mets' second basemen.

Now we have the news that Castillo wants out of New York. He's even trying to make it look like he has something to contribute to this team. Let's look at some of his quotes on the subject.

"I came here to be an everyday player and I know it's been hard with the injuries I've had, but I feel good now and thought I was playing well. I've been playing for 14 years and I've never gone through anything like this."

Never gone through anything like that? In his 12 full seasons in the majors, Castillo has missed at least 20 games in eight of them. He has been hurt more times than Oliver Perez has recorded a three-pitch strikeout. Also, after batting a career-high .334 in 2000, he dipped to .263 in 2001, striking out a career-high 90 times in the process. He's never gone through that before? Think again, Luis. You have. More than once.

"If they think that (Tejada's) the best player, that's OK. I just don't want to be a backup when I've been playing every day for my whole career."

Again, how does a man who's missed a total of 361 games over the past 11+ seasons (averaging a little over 30 games missed per season over that span) consider himself an everyday player? Having Luis Castillo on the team means you're going to need a capable backup who's going to end up playing for a least a month's worth of games every year. Perhaps Luis Castillo needs to go on the disabled list for his memory loss.

"I can't be here anymore. I know I'm not going to be here next year."

Considering Luis Castillo's track record with saying things that just aren't true, I wish he wouldn't have uttered the above quote. Does that mean we're going to have to stick it out for another year of an occasional single here and there, more whining and an eventual trip or three to the disabled list?

Castillo is so unwanted that the Cubs didn't want to trade clubhouse cancer Carlos Zambrano to the Mets for Oliver Perez and Castillo. It wasn't because the Mets were throwing in El Perez-idente. It was because Castillo was included in the deal.

So Luis Castillo wants out of New York. The feeling is mutual, my non-friend. Somehow you convinced the Mets that you were the best available second baseman on the market following the 2007 season. Now you're trying to convince them that you can still play every day. I think it's time to update your passport picture because you certainly won't be playing in the major leagues after your contract expires next year. Perhaps a team in the Far East will take you. Maybe Guam has open tryouts.

One thing is for sure. You've worn out your welcome in New York, a welcome I don't recall ever giving you to begin with. You "endeared" yourself to Mets fans with your one-armed bandit routine when you dropped the pop-up last year at Yankee Stadium. Now try to hit the jackpot again after your contract expires. Go ahead, I triple dog dare you!

Impeach El Perez-idente! (The New Studious Metsimus Facebook Fan Page)

"Four years and seven walks ago, our general manager brought forth, upon this fanbase, a screwed pitcher. We were deceived at Citi, and stated our position that all pitchers weren't created equal."

--New York Mettysburg Address (July 30, 2010)


It was indeed four years (but more than seven walks) ago tomorrow that Oliver Perez was traded to the Mets along with Roberto Hernandez for rightfielder and fan-favorite Xavier Nady.

The deal was necessitated because reliever Duaner Sanchez got a case of the midnight munchies in Miami and was involved in an accident as a passenger in a taxicab. The fender bender led to a shoulder injury to Sanchez and left a gaping hole in the bullpen, one that was filled by Roberto Hernandez, but also gave us El Perez-idente himself, Oliver Perez.

Let's hop into the DeLorean, adjust the flux capacitor and travel to the winter following the 2008 season (but don't let the same guy from Duaner's taxicab drive it). The Mets were in need of a starting pitcher, coveted Derek Lowe, but let him sign with Atlanta for four years and $60 million. The only other option was their little free agent that couldn't, Oliver Perez.

At three years and $36 million, the Mets felt they had scored a coup, keeping the 26-year-old Perez, who had just compiled a 25-17 record over the past two seasons. Of course, the Mets seemed to ignore the fact that Ollie had walked a league-leading 105 batters in 2008 despite the 10-7 record.

What has that $36 million contract gotten the Mets? A 3-8 record, 6.56 ERA and 94 walks in only 107 innings.

What has that same contract gotten Oliver Perez? How about the wrath of hundreds of thousands of Mets fans, the butt of more jokes than his pitch count over five innings and a Facebook fan page brought about by the creators of Studious Metsimus and My Summer Family called "Impeach El-Perez-idente!" You can check out the page and become a fan by clicking here.

Four years ago today, Duaner Sanchez's need for Dominican food during sleepy time put him in a position to be in the car accident that forever changed his career. Mets fans choose to remember that day for another reason. It was the day that caused Oliver Perez to become a Met.

Unfortunately, there has been no one-term limit for El Perez-idente in New York. He is now entering his fifth year as a Met and is still under contract for another.

The Mets might not be able to get rid of Ollie for Roy Oswalt's jock strap (Houston wanted equal value for the pitcher's "equipment"), but Mets fans can get rid of their anger by joining us in saying "Impeach El Perez-idente!"

Dickey-licious!

R.A. Dickey was not supposed to contribute much to the 2010 Mets. After all, how much can a team expect from a guy who only had 22 major league wins and 5.43 career ERA over his first seven major league seasons? Surely, the Mets were only expecting to have him as a backup who would occasionally get a spot start if needed.

Then Oliver Perez and John Maine went down with injuries, proving that occasionally Mets fans' prayers are answered. Up came R.A. Dickey, who was only supposed to fill in as a starter until half of the original lineup of Johan Santana and The Four Rainouts returned from their injuries.

Fourteen starts later, Dickey is not only still in the rotation, he is a key cog in the Mets' quest to have meaningful games in September.

Today, Dickey floated his knuckleball past the Cardinals for 8.1 innings, allowing only four hits and two walks. The 4-0 victory was the major league leading 14th shutout by the Mets, and was the fifth time Dickey held his opponent scoreless while he was on the mound. For his efforts, Dickey earned his first victory since June 23.

Prior to today's outing, through no fault of his own, Dickey had failed to win a start in the month of July. The Mets had lost all five of his starts despite fantastic performances in all five outings (1.89 ERA, .230 batting average against, .271 OBP).

Today looked like a day Dickey was going to have to carry the team on his own. The Mets had just suffered an 8-7, 13-inning defeat last night in a game that took over four and a half hours to complete. The offense, which had inexcusably been missing for most of the month of July now had an excuse to be absent after playing for so long last night. In addition to the tired offense, David Wright had been given the day off after appearing to break out of his mini-slump by collecting three hits last night. Had the Mets been shut out today, would anyone have been surprised?

Then Ike Davis (who had been given the night off on Wednesday so that Mike Hessman could get his first start for the Mets at first base) gave Dickey all the runs he needed by breaking the scoreless tie with a three-run homer in the third inning of today's game. Once Dickey had the lead, he carved through the Cardinals' lineup, facing one batter above the minimum until the ninth inning, when he got into a bit of trouble and had to be relieved by Frankie Rodriguez.

Today's game marked the 12th time in 14 starts that Dickey has given up three earned runs or less. By comparison, since signing his three-year, $36 million deal prior to the 2009 season, Oliver Perez has also given up three earned runs or less in exactly 12 starts. It took R.A. Dickey a little over two months to do what Oliver Perez has done in one and a half years (and has been paid handsomely to do so).

Speaking of the impeached El Perez-idente, Ollie has not pitched more than 6.1 innings in any of his 21 starts since signing the aforementioned three-year contract. What about Robert Alan Dickey? He has pitched at least six innings in 12 of his 14 starts. However, one of the two starts where he did not make it through the sixth inning was last Sunday, when Jerry Manuel pulled the non-injured Dickey from the game because of apparent injury. The removal angered Dickey, who had only thrown 70 pitches and was pitching a two-hit shutout against the Dodgers at the time.

A well-rested Dickey put aside his differences with Dead Manuel Walking to handcuff the non-rested Cardinals today. In doing so, Dickey lowered his ERA to 2.32, which would be good enough for fourth in the National League if he had enough innings pitched.

(Special note: Dickey falls just short of qualifying for the ERA title, as he has pitched 92 innings over the Mets' first 102 games. A pitcher must pitch one inning for every game his team has played to be considered among the league leaders. I hope you're taking notes, as this will be on the quiz.)

R.A. Dickey has been better than expected since being promoted to the major leagues. The 35-year-old journeyman pitcher has gone from fill-in to dependable starter over the course of the past two months.

With John Maine's Met career almost certain to be over and Oliver Perez banned from taking the mound within two hours of the Star Spangled Banner, it appears as if R.A. Dickey and his tantalizing knuckleball might be a part of the Mets' rotation beyond this season. How Dickey-licious is that?