Jimmy Rollins, Comedian

I've got a funny story to tell you.  No, really.  It'll crack you up.  It's about Phillies' shortstop Jimmy Rollins.  Giggling yet?  Okay, here goes.

Jimmy Rollins wants a five-year contract.

I'll give you a few moments to collect yourself.

It's true.  The former National League MVP (accent on "former") and soon-to-be free agent is seeking a five-year deal to remain with the Phillies or with whoever doesn't mind giving their money away.

 Jimmy Rollins' decision to ask for a five-year deal is certainly a head-scratcher.

Let's review this together.  This isn't the 2007 Jimmy Rollins we're taking for a spin here.  You remember that model, don't you?  Rollins was 28 years old and entering his prime when he proclaimed the Phillies as the team to beat in the National League East and then went out and delivered an MVP season.  That was four years ago.

Now Rollins is about to turn 33.  He is coming off a season in which he was placed on the disabled list for the fourth time in four seasons.  He has also continued his decline as the Phillies' leadoff hitter and spark plug.  After his magical 2007 season in which he hit .296 with 38 doubles, a league-leading 20 triples, 30 HR, 94 RBI, 41 SB and 139 runs scored (also pacing the NL in that category), his numbers have suffered.

Since 2008, Rollins has missed a total of 126 games for the Phillies.  His batting average over the past four seasons has been an unimpressive .261 and his on-base percentage (.325) has not been what a team should expect from its leadoff hitter.  Furthermore, Rollins' unexpected power surge in 2007 has proven to be a fluke, as the shortstop has averaged only 14 HR per season since his MVP season.

Speaking of flukes, do you remember those 20 triples he hit in 2007?  (You should.  I only mentioned it two paragraphs ago.)  In the four years since the 2007 campaign, Rollins has managed to hit only 19 triples.  That's one less triple in a quartet of seasons than he managed to hit in one playing-over-his-head season.

So we have a player who's clearly on the downside of his career, knows all the employees at the DL Hotel by first name, and this player is asking to be rewarded with a five-year contract?  Is he being serious or does he think we're as dumb as Turd Ferguson?

Turd Ferguson doesn't think Jimmy Rollins is being funny with his contract demands, and Turd Ferguson knows a thing or two about what's funny.

Let's talk about some of Jimmy Rollins' teammates, shall we?  First, there's Cliff Lee.  In 2010, he helped lead the Texas Rangers to their first World Series appearance in franchise history, a year after he pitched in the Fall Classic for the Phillies.  From 2008 to 2010, Lee went 48-25 with a 2.98 ERA and picked up valuable postseason experience.  For his efforts, the Phillies signed the 32-year-old Lee to a $120 million contract.  How long was this contract for?  Five years.

Now, let's discuss Rollins' infield mate, Ryan Howard.  The Phillies' behemoth has been one of the most feared power hitters in all of baseball since making his major league debut in 2004.  Since 2006, Howard has averaged 44 HR and 133 RBI per season, along with a .274 batting average and .369 on-base percentage.  In April 2010, the Phillies gave the then-30-year-old Howard a $125 million contract extension that would begin in 2012.  What was the length of Howard's deal?  Five years.

Finally, let's look at a certain Harry Leroy Halladay.  The Phillies traded for Halladay prior to the 2010 season and gave him a $60 million contract extension that began this season.  At the time of the trade and subsequent extension, Halladay was 32 years old.  Since then, Halladay has given the Phillies a regular season perfect game, a postseason no-hitter, a 40-16 won-loss record and a stellar 2.40 ERA.  So how long was that extension the Phillies gave him?  Three years.

So Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay, two of the best pitchers in the National League who have no health issues and are showing no signs of slowing down, get five years and three years, respectively.  Ryan Howard, the top slugger in the league who had no injury history prior to signing his deal, also gets five years.  None of the three players was older than 32 years old at the time they signed their deals with the Phillies.

Jimmy Rollins is currently older than all three players mentioned above at the time they put their John Hancocks on their contracts.  He also has an injury history and has seen a sharp decline in his numbers, something Lee, Halladay and Howard could not say when they signed on the dotted line.

There is no way Rollins will get a five-year contract from anyone, including the only team he has suited up for.  If the Phillies gave five years to the healthy, productive and younger Cliff Lee and Ryan Howard and only three years to one of the best pitchers of our generation in Roy Halladay, why should they give the brittle Rollins what he's asking for?

Jose Reyes might not get more than five years and that's the 28-year-old reigning National League batting champion we're talking about.  Rollins should consider himself lucky if he gets a Jeter-esque three-year deal. 

Simply stated, Wile E. Coyote, Genius has a better chance to get a five-year deal than Jimmy Rollins, Comedian.  At least with Wile E., you know he'll come back from an injury quickly to do what he does best.

Ho-LEE $#!% !!

Wasn't Cliff Lee upset after the 2009 season when the Phillies traded him to the Seattle Mariners in order to make room for Roy Halladay's contract extension? Apparently, he wasn't upset enough.

The mystery team vying for Cliff Lee's services was the Philadelphia Phillies and there is no longer any mystery surrounding Cliff Lee's decision as to where he'll be pitching in 2011, as the southpaw spurned the Yankees and Rangers to sign a five-year, $120 million with the Mets' rivals in Philadelphia.

According to a tweet by Ken Rosenthal, the deal can be worth as much as $135 million for six years if the option is vested. Jon Heyman tweets that the sixth-year option will kick in if Lee pitches 200 innings in 2015 (the year he turns 37) or if he pitches a combined 400 innings between 2014 and 2015.

The $24 million average annual value for the five years of Lee's deal gives Lee the highest AAV of any pitcher in baseball, surpassing the $23 million average annual value of CC Sabathia's seven-year contract with the Yankees. Not bad for a pitcher who is a combined 26-22 since his Cy Young Award-winning season in 2008.

Let's face it. If you take out Cliff Lee's two best seasons in the major leagues (18-5 in 2005 and 22-3 in 2008), Lee's career won-loss record is 62-53. To put that into perspective, in six years as a member of the New York Mets, the great Steve Trachsel went 66-59.

Cliff Lee has only had one season with an ERA under 3.00 (2.54 in 2008). He has never struck out 200 batters in a season. He has also given up more hits than innings pitched over his entire career (1419 hits allowed over 1409 innings), including the 2009 season, when he gave up more hits (245) than any pitcher in the major leagues.

Of course, none of this matters to the Philadelphia Phillies, who consider that to be good enough to warrant a $24 million per year salary that will take him through age 37 and possibly age 38 if the sixth year option vests.

Despite the obvious overpayment for a pitcher with Cliff Lee's credentials, the Phillies can boast that they have perhaps the best starting four in the major leagues now that Lee has joined his brother Roy (Halladay) and his other brother Roy (Oswalt), along with the longest-tenured Phillie of the group, Cole Hamels.

With Johan Santana's status uncertain, the Mets will probably trot out Mike Pelfrey to the mound on Opening Day. Big Pelf would probably be the Phillies' fifth starter in 2011. The gap between the Phillies' starting staff and the Mets' rotation is wider than the geographical one between the two cities.

The Phillies now have Cliff Lee while the Mets still have Ollie P. The 2011 season might be over before the first "O say, can you see".

What If Roy Halladay Had Been Traded To The Mets?

In Game 1 of the National League Division Series, played Wednesday between Philadelphia and Cincinnati at Citizens Bank Park, Roy Halladay did what no other National League pitcher had ever accomplished in a postseason game. He held the opposition hitless. The masterful 104-pitch performance helped the Phillies take a 1-0 series lead over the Reds.

The former (and perhaps soon-to-be) Cy Young Award winner had pitched for the Blue Jays from 1998-2009 without ever sniffing the playoffs. If he had any butterflies churning in his stomach before his first postseason start for the Phillies on Wednesday, they certainly did nothing to prevent him from making history.

Ever since the Phillies acquired him via a trade with Toronto, Halladay has been nothing short of brilliant. He led the league with 21 victories in his first National League season and pitched a perfect game against the Florida Marlins in May.

But what if Omar Minaya had swung a deal with the Blue Jays to acquire Halladay before the Phillies did? Would it have been the Mets playing in October and not the Phillies? A quick look at Mets history should provide us with the answer.


Had Omar Minaya acquired Halladay, the bearded righty would have succumbed to an injury in May. Needing his leadership on the mound, the Mets would have rushed him back to the rotation (especially since the longer he stayed out of the rotation, the better chance that Jerry Manuel would have given Oliver Perez another chance to start). That would have led to a period of ineffective starts, which would have also included key losses to the Phillies and Braves.

Once Halladay righted his ship, Dead Manuel Walking would have tried to save his pitcher from overexerting himself by removing him from games after a number of seven-inning, 90-pitch efforts. Since the Mets never had quite the firepower found in the Phillies' offense, Halladay would have found himself leaving games with small leads that Frankie Kunckles would eventually give up.

Therefore, had Halladay been a Met, he still would have had a good season, but he would have led the league in no-decisions. He also would never have pitched a no-hitter or perfect game because signing with the Mets automatically prevents any pitcher from ever throwing one.

Perhaps it's for the better that Omar Minaya didn't trade for Roy Halladay. For one thing, we might never have seen R.A. Dickey become the quality starter he became. (You can ignore the fact that Dickey lost his only head-to-head matchup against Halladay at Citizens Bank Park on August 8). Also, it is a well-known fact that bearded players don't do well in blue and orange. Just ask Jeff Reardon.

Face it, Mets fans. Roy Halladay was never going to become a Met. Neither was Cliff Lee last season at the trade deadline. Neither was Roy Oswalt at this year's trade deadline. They all went to the Phillies because our now ex-general manager didn't have the clout he thought he once had.

Five years ago, Omar Minaya could just show up at any star player's door and say "if you can live with the fact that I say 'that being said' every other sentence, then I can give you more years and more money than anyone else is willing to give you." Now, players stay away from Flushing like if it had blue and orange cooties.

Jason Bay came to New York last year because no one else was willing to give him the exorbitant deal the Mets gave him, not because of Omar Minaya. The bottom line is that Omar Minaya couldn't give players what Phillies' GM Ruben Amaro Jr. could, and that was the promise that his team would be successful.

The Phillies have become one of the best teams in recent memory, while the Mets have become the team no one wants to play for. Roy Halladay is lucky the Phillies traded for him. Had he been a Met, he'd be trying to leave through the same door that Omar Minaya and Jerry Manuel used on Monday.

San Francisco Owes A Giant Thank You To The Mets

Leapin' lizards! For the first time since Barry Bonds left his syringe in San Francisco, the Giants are champions of the National League West. They won their first division title since 2003 (and only their sixth NL West title overall) by defeating the San Diego Padres on the final day of the regular season, capping a tremendous second half that saw them rise from mediocrity to the top of the division.

At the midway point of the season, the Giants were 41-40 and were a season high 7½ games behind the Padres. They were also 4½ games out of the wild card lead, with five teams ahead of them.

The final week before the All-Star Break saw the Giants playing the lowly Brewers and Nationals. They took both series to inch closer in the wild card race, but were still in fourth place in the NL West, with the Padres, Dodgers and Rockies ahead of them. Enter the New York Mets.

The Mets played better than expected in the first half of the season. At the All-Star Break, they were 48-40, which put them a game ahead of the San Francisco Giants in the wild card race. The two teams then played each other in the first series after the break. Everything changed after that series was completed.

The Giants took the first three games of the four-game series at AT&T Park, shutting out the Mets in the first two contests. In fact, the Mets were held scoreless by Giants pitchers for the first 24 innings of the series. The Mets did manage to salvage the final game of the series, but even then, they needed a blown call by home plate umpire Phil Cuzzi to win it.

Cuzzi called Giants' pinch-hitter Travis Ishikawa out at home when replays showed that the tag by Henry Blanco was late. The gaffe prevented what would have been the winning run from scoring in the bottom of the ninth inning. The Mets went on to win the game in ten innings.

The series with the Mets was the beginning of a stretch where the Giants won 15 out of 19 games to move into the wild card lead. The hot streak also moved them to within one game of the Padres for the division lead.

As Mets fans all know, the trip to San Francisco was the beginning of a 2-9 road trip that saw the Mets get swept in Arizona, followed by three losses in four games in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, the Giants won two out of three in Los Angeles and followed that up with a four-game sweep in Arizona. The Mets never got close to the Giants again.

The series with the Mets seemed to awaken the Giants' pitchers, who were already among the best in the National League prior to the All-Star Break. Consider these first half versus second half numbers for the Giants' starting rotation and bullpen.

• Starting Pitchers (before break): 34-30, 3.65 ERA, 1.29 WHIP
• Starting Pitchers (after break): 27-25, 3.39 ERA, 1.21 WHIP

• Relief Pitchers (before break): 13-11, 3.17 ERA, 1.47 WHIP
• Relief Pitchers (after break): 18-4, 2.78 ERA, 1.12 WHIP

The starters showed a nice improvement in the ERA and WHIP department, but the bullpen took things to another level. They were nearly unhittable in the second half, led by closer Brian Wilson, who led the National League in saves and finished with a career-best 1.81 ERA and 1.18 WHIP.

Pitching wins championships and the Giants have plenty of pitching. The top four pitchers in the Giants' rotation (Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez, Madison Bumgarner) all had ERAs of 3.40 or less. No other staff in baseball can lay claim to four starters with ERAs as low as the Giants' quartet. In fact, Lincecum, who is the staff ace and the winner of the last two National League Cy Young Awards, is the starter with the 3.40 ERA. (However, he is the only one of the foursome who can claim to being the love child of Jennifer Aniston and Mitch from "Dazed and Confused".)


The Phillies might look like the team to beat in the National League, especially after today's no-hitter by Roy Halladay, but Halladay can't pitch every game. The Giants have four quality starters, all of whom are capable of keeping their opponents to a low hit total. (Like Halladay, Jonathan Sanchez can also claim a no-hitter on his résumé.)

Watch out, Atlanta. Don't start selling World Series tickets yet, Phillies. The Giants are red hot and their pitchers are leading the way. They took off once the Mets came into town and have never looked back. Therefore, on behalf of the Mets, I have two words to say to the Giants.

You're welcome.

Do The Hustle!

Some people say that as Jose Reyes goes, so do the Mets. Even SNY has gotten into the argument by constantly posting the Mets' record when Reyes scores at least one run as opposed to when he doesn't. (The Mets are 18-5 when he scores at least one run and 8-20 when he doesn't, for those keeping score at home.)

But why do the Mets have to depend on one catalyst to score runs? All nine players in the lineup should contribute towards victories (unless if you're the Phillies and you can only win games when Harry LeRoy Halladay starts).

That is why Studious Metsimus is going above and beyond to find a stat no one else is mentioning that is relevant to wins and losses.

Teams that score runs by advancing one base at a time need multiple hits to score their runs. Is it no wonder that these teams have difficulty winning games? Stealing bases puts runners in scoring position or advances runners to third base where they can score without needing a base hit.

The St. Louis Cardinals of the 1980s perfected the art of stealing bases and used it as a weapon. Their pilfering prowess allowed them to win three National League pennants (1982, 1985, 1987) and one World Series (1982).

So let's see what the Mets have done this year when they've felt frisky on the bases.


Over the first 51 games, the Mets have stolen bases in 34 of them. That leaves them with 17 games in which they did not steal a base. Their record is those 17 games is a disappointing 5-12. When they do steal at least one base, their record is 21-13. In games where they steal multiple bases, the Mets are 8-3.

To find the last time the Mets won a game in which they did not steal a base, you have to go back almost a full month to May 4, when the Mets defeated the Cincinnati Reds by the score of 5-4. Since then, the Mets have played seven games in which they failed to swipe a base and lost all of them.

So the moral of this story is quite simple, really. If the Mets are fleet on their feet, they stand a much better chance of winning ballgames. If they're stagnant on the bases, you'll see many more unhappy recaps.

Over the past few years, the Mets have not played particularly well in San Diego. If the Mets want to continue on their march towards first place, they have to remember to do the hustle once they're on the bases. Winning is contagious. Losing is as cool as Shane Victorino in a leisure suit. (Only he could turn Tony Manero into Tony Manure.)

To quote (and slightly alter) one-hit wonder Matthew Wilder's 1983 song, "Ain't nothin' gonna break their stride. Nobody's gonna slow them down. Oh no! They've got to keep on movin'!" Movin' on the bases, that is.

In Santana We Trust

Tonight is the rubber game of the three-game series in Philadelphia between the Mets and the Phillies. The Mets head into the series finale holding on to a razor-thin half-game lead over the second place Phillies after Roy Halladay shut down the Mets' offense on Saturday with a complete game shutout and Mike Pelfrey came back down to Earth after his phenomenal and mostly scoreless April.

Just as Halladay did for the Phillies after his team lost to the Mets Friday night, it is now up to Johan Santana to be the stopper for the Mets. Santana must be the ace he's expected to be and pitch the Mets to victory tonight.

The Mets now have a renewed feeling of positivity following their recent eight-game winning record. A winning attitude has been permeating through the clubhouse and everyone is subscribing to it.

Therefore, it behooves Santana to follow Pelfrey's poor performance on the mound with a Santana-esque outing.

In 2008, Santana was 8-3 following a Mets loss. Last year, despite the fact that the Mets finished 22 games under .500, Santana finished with a winning record (5-4) when he pitched after a Mets defeat. Therefore, despite the fact that the Mets' record over the past two seasons has been below .500 (159-165), Santana has done his best to prevent losing streaks from getting longer, going 13-7 in his outings following a Mets loss.

Tonight will be the latest opportunity for Santana to pitch the Mets back into the win column after they made an appearance in the loss column in the previous game. That's what aces are paid to do. The Mets will need their ace to do just that if they want to remain in first place in the NL East.

Winning creates a positive attitude in the clubhouse. Roy Halladay gave the Phillies that feeling yesterday. It's time for the Mets' ace to do the same for the Mets. After all, in Santana we trust.

The Studious Metsimus Jinx Is Alive And Well

Back In January, Studious Metsimus proclaimed that the Mets should sign Ben Sheets and made a reference to his son, Seaver. That post mentioned how Omar Minaya would assume that the little Sheet was named after Tom Seaver, without considering that perhaps Ben Sheets was a fan of the Seaver Family on the show "Growing Pains". There was also a comparison between Omar Minaya and Boner, a dimwitted character on "Growing Pains". Since then, the Mets failed to sign Ben Sheets and Andrew Koenig (the actor who played Boner) passed away.

Last week, there was a piece on Studious Metsimus called "To Avoid Repeating History, Mets Shouldn't Dropkick Murphy". Yesterday, it was revealed that Daniel Murphy will miss two to six weeks with a Grade 1 sprained MCL. Apparently, history has repeated itself (injuries) and the Mets will have to go with another first baseman.

There appears to be a Studious Metsimus Jinx similar to the one that affects players and teams that appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Remember last year when Sports Illustrated predicted that the Mets would win the World Series? Well that didn't exactly happen. Not only that, but SI predicted that the Mets would finish with a 92-70 record. Instead, they finished 70-92.

Since there is clearly a hex surrounding people, places and Boners who are mentioned on Studious Metsimus, I'd like to spend the rest of this blog praising the Philadelphia Phillies.

The Phillies are attempting to become the first National League team since the 1942-44 St. Louis Cardinals to win three consecutive National League pennants. With the addition of ace pitcher Roy Halladay, who's going to stop them? Jimmy Rollins doesn't even have to open his mouth. Everyone already knows the Phillies are the team to beat.

Manager Charlie Manuel slimmed down during the off-season. He claimed to do it for his health, but we all know why he really did it. It's because a staff fronted by soon-to-be Cy Young Award winner Halladay, followed by Cole Hamels, Joe Blanton, J.A. Happ and ageless wonder Jamie Moyer will require very few visits to the mound. Manuel certainly wasn't going to lose weight that way.

Last season, the Phillies finished at or near the top of the National League in most offensive categories. They hit more home runs with men on base (96) than the Mets hit home runs (95). Clearly, the Phillies are a juggernaut that cannot be stopped.

The Mets and the rest of the National League might as well raise the white flag now. The Phillies are clearly the team to beat and nothing will get in their way.

On that note, the Studious Metsimus staff would like to wish you all a Happy April Phools...uh...Happy April Fools Day! Perhaps this Studious Metsimus Jinx can be good for something!

Are The Phillies That Much Better With Halladay?

The Toronto Blue Jays waved goodbye to the face of their franchise by dealing starting pitcher Roy Halladay to the Philadelphia Phillies. The three-team deal, which also involved the Seattle Mariners, will be considered complete once all the players involved take (and pass) their physicals.

On paper, it looks as if the Phillies improved themselves drastically by adding arguably the best American League pitcher of the past few years. However, while I was focusing on the Phillies/Blue Jays part of the Halladay trade, my one-track, fourth-place mind failed to realize that to make this deal, the Phillies had to deal Cliff Lee to Seattle. Lee is a younger lefty who not only had playoff experience (unlike Halladay) but excelled in the postseason (4-0, 1.56 ERA in the 2009 playoffs). In addition to losing Lee, the Phillies also parted ways with Kyle Drabek, who was supposed to be a major part of their future.

I’m trying to envision the Phillies’ rotation for the 2010 season and I see Roy Halladay leading the staff, followed by the following pitchers:

Cole Hamels

Hamels has question marks after last season’s inconsistent performance. He has been overworked at a young age due to extended postseasons.




Joe Blanton

Blanton gave up more hits than innings pitched last year and was one of only four pitchers who gave up at least 30 HR in 2009. However, every other pitcher who gave up 30 HR made at least 33 starts. Blanton only made 31.


J.A. Happ

Happ is a good young pitcher, but faltered down the stretch and in the postseason. After his last start in August, he made five more starts. In those starts, his ERA was 4.84 and opposing batters hit .344 against him. In the playoffs, his ERA was 5.68 and his WHIP was 2.21. There are clearly some durability issues here.

Jamie Moyer

The man is so old, he got misty eyed when the Phillies played the Yankees in the World Series because it brought back childhood memories of the 1950 Phils-Yanks World Series matchup. His 2009 ERA was just south of 5.00 and his 25 starts were his fewest since 1996, when Todd Hundley was setting catcher home run records for the Mets.

The Phillies can also turn to Kyle Kendrick and that Bastardo named Antonio, who are ready to step in whenever Moyer needs to take a nap or change his adult diaper.

The Phillies’ rotation doesn’t look too different from the staff the Mets currently employ. We have a bonafide #1 starter in Johan Santana, followed by Question Mark (Mike Pelfrey), Question Mark (John Maine) and Off The Mark (Oliver Perez).

The glaring difference between the Mets and the Phillies is very clear. It’s all about each team’s offense. The Phillies slugged their way to the World Series by hitting a league-leading 224 home runs in 2009, including more home runs with men on base (96) than the Mets had home runs (95).

Fine, so the Mets didn’t get an ace pitcher who could complement Santana in the rotation. But their rotation is still comparable to the Phillies’ starters, even more so if they can add Jason Marquis or Joel Piñeiro. If they want to have a chance in the National League East, they’ll need to sign a big bat or two and hope for a return to form by the injured hitters.

Sadly, there may not be enough big bats left out there other than Matt Holliday and Jason Bay and both of them play the same position. If Daniel Murphy leads the Mets in home runs again, it won’t matter what our pitching staff looks like. It’ll be another postseason where we root for certain teams to lose instead of rooting for the Mets to win.

Halladay To Phillies, Lackey To Red Sox, Jack Squat To Mets

On a day when a few extra coals have been added to the Hot Stove, the Phillies are close to trading for ace pitcher Roy Halladay, while Jon Heyman of SI.com is reporting that Studious Metsimus man-crush John Lackey will be signing a five-year, $85 million contract with the Boston Red Sox.

In related news, the Mets have announced the signing of Jack Squat. Squat hasn't done much in the past and might go unnoticed in the Mets clubhouse, but that is due to the fact that no one ever knows he's there. Since he wasn't a Type A or Type B free agent, the Mets pounced on Squat since they knew he would sign for next to nothing.

I have to joke about this because if I didn't, I'd be crying. The Mets are just twiddling their thumbs watching players they should have acquired not only sign with other teams, but get traded to teams that will have a great impact on where the Mets will finish in 2010 and beyond.

Not only are the top pitchers being signed and/or traded to other teams, but now the Mets might have to overpay for pitchers such as Jason Marquis and Joel Piñeiro so that they don’t sign with other teams. I have nothing against either pitcher, but what if Santana gets hurt again like he did at the end of the 2009 season? Neither Marquis nor Piñeiro is good enough to be the ace of a staff the way Halladay and Lackey were with the Blue Jays and Angels, respectively.

The 2010 Mets with a staff of Santana, Marquis/Piñeiro, Pelfrey, Maine and some $36 million pitcher looks a lot like the 2009 staff, meaning mediocre at best. Of course, on the bright side, the Red Sox might not be able to afford Jason Bay now that Lackey will be getting a couple of bucks from them. Unfortunately, Jason Bay can’t pitch and now that Halladay and Lackey appear to be off the radar, there is a dearth of ace-type starters for the Mets to consider.

The Citi Field press conference room is resembling a ghost town.

Let’s just put it this way. The way the Mets have gone about this offseason, it looks like they’re taking the “let’s take our time and see how this all plays out” approach. What might have worked in the past is not working this time around. Omar Minaya can’t let other teams, especially his main rivals, scoop up player after player while he waits intently in the Citi Field press conference room for the player introduction that’s not going to happen.

While teams like the Phillies and Red Sox are giving their fans awesome stocking stuffers, Mets fans are just getting lumps of coal in their stockings. At least we’ll be able to use that coal to heat up our stoves because it sure looks like the Mets’ hot stove isn’t using it.

Free Agent Season Has Begun; Shop Early, Shop Often

Attention, GM shoppers! The Free Agent Warehouse is officially open for business. Throughout our store, you will find everything to help fix your team. From starting pitchers to power hitters. From bullpen help to role players. Everything is here to satisfy your needs. Please be aware that there are no rain checks in case we are sold out of the players you’re looking for. Also, we do not accept coupons. Yes, we’re talking to you, Daddy Less-bucks and Little Orphan Jeffy, so stop asking us if we have any “buy one, get one free” deals. It doesn’t work that way at the Free Agent Warehouse.

We hope you brought your checkbooks. We will have many registers open to help speed up your free agent shopping and numerous player agents will be on hand to assist you. If you have any questions, please direct them to our manager, Mr. Bora$. Now let’s take you on a tour of our store.

First, we have our electronics department. Here is where you will find all the gamers, such as John Lackey. His tenacity, determination and consistency will help your team fill a very important spot in the starting rotation. If you do not find John Lackey on the shelves, perhaps we can interest you in a different pitcher. We always have Joel Piñeiro and Jason Marquis in stock. They’re not the hot item of the week, but they can provide a cheaper alternative to John Lackey. For those inquiring about when Roy Halladay will be in stock, we were told that he will not be available at the Free Agent Warehouse for another year. If you are here for Halladay and only Halladay, please report to the corner pawn shop, where trading is encouraged.

You will also find batteries in our electronics department. A good battery consists of a pitcher who can throw any pitch and spot it exactly where his catcher wants. We just received a new shipment of Bengie Molina for any team who needs a replacement battery. Brian Schneider is somewhere on the battery wall, but he’s in need of some recharging.

From here, we take you to our lighting department. Without proper lighting, your home stadium will suffer from a lack of power. We have multiple items that may be to your liking. We have received many requests for Matt Holliday and Jason Bay. As you all know, without our customers we have nothing. Therefore, we are proud to announce that both Holliday and Bay are available. Power is not cheap, so we hope you came prepared to spend if you choose to brighten your stadium with those bulbs. If you have dark corners in your home stadium, we have Adam LaRoche, Russell Branyan and Hank Blalock, all of which can provide temporary power help. Of course, we still have our older models like Carlos Delgado, but we cannot guarantee that he will be bright for an entire season.

Over here, we have our hardware section. These players have the tools to bring a team together. They might not light up the scoreboard, but they provide the glue that solidifies the team. Orlando Hudson and Chone Figgins are our most requested items. Another item that may intrigue you is Mark DeRosa. He is one of our most versatile tools, providing assistance in your infield and outfield.

Our toddler section is under renovation, so you will not find any players there at the moment. We hope to reopen it by next year at the earliest, or perhaps in two seasons. By then, we’ll have Manny Ramirez and Milton Bradley as the toddler section’s main attractions.

Although you have all winter to buy the free agents we have in stock, please remember that all purchases are final. Also, we are not responsible for damaged goods. We are not forcing you to buy anything in our store. You’re making that decision on your own. If you make a poor purchase, it’s on your hands. However, if you find free agent gold, your fans will be dancing in the streets.

That’ll end the tour of the Free Agent Warehouse. We hope you found something of interest for your team. For those of you who need to use the rest room before leaving, please be careful when you flush so that your wallets don’t accidentally fall in. Yes, Mr. Minaya. I’m talking to you. We don’t want you to come up with a convenient excuse if someone else comes in and scoops up one of the players on your shopping list.

Don’t forget to come again soon. We’ll be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week throughout the winter to serve all of your shopping needs. We’re the Free Agent Warehouse, where no one has to go home empty-handed.

Note: The photo of the $100 bills at the top of this blog has a hidden meaning behind it. Besides the obvious reminder to Omar Minaya to use some of those bills this off-season, the #100 is special because this is the 100th Studious Metsimus blog. On behalf of Joey, I would like to thank all of our loyal readers for making the first 100 blogs a blast. Time to get started on the next 100!