Song Parody: My Johan's Back

After being missing from the Citi Field mound for the past 19 months, Johan Santana will reprise his role as the Mets' ace on Opening Day against the Atlanta Braves.  It will be Santana's fourth Opening Day start for the Mets, making him the fourth pitcher in franchise history to be a four-time starter in the team's opener.  Only Tom Seaver (11 starts), Dwight Gooden (8 starts) and Tom Glavine (4 starts) have gotten the ball on Opening Day as many time as Santana.

But what's most important to the Mets is the fact that Johan Santana is starting any game for them.  Not since September 2, 2010 has Santana faced major league hitters in a regular season game, when he defeated the Braves, 4-2, in Atlanta.  This year, Santana is looking to continue his Opening Day success, as he won all three of his previous season openers for the Mets.

In honor of Santana making his (hopefully triumphant) return to the Mets, the crack staff at Studious Metsimus has concocted a song parody.  We figured a classic song should be rewritten to honor a classic pitcher such as Santana.  So let's stop with the chit-chat and start with the song!  Dedicated to Johan Santana, here is our version of the '60s standard, "My Boyfriend's Back", renamed in honor of the Mets' ace as "My Johan's Back".  Enjoy!  (...and take a listen to an updated version of the original song by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes after you read/sing our version.)

He went away

And we hung around, wanting him every fifth night

But now that his rehab’s through

His opponents will have to think twice

My Johan’s back and the hitters are in trouble

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

They'll see his change-up and their bats will turn to rubble

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

He’s before your eyes in orange and blue

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

So look out now, Johan’s coming after you

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

Hey, we know that he’s been tryin’

Now he’s back, there’s no denyin’

He’s been gone for such a long time

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

Now he’s back and things will be fine

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

The hitters are sorry they were ever born

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

‘Cause his arm ain’t weak; it’s actually strong

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

Philly’s ready for defeatin’

Marlins gonna get a beatin’

What made them think his career had all but died?

(Wah-ooo, wah-ooo)

Johan’s back right now and he’ll shut them out tonight

(Wah-ooo.  Wait and see!)

My Johan’s back; he's getting back his reputation

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

The Nats and Braves are gonna get an education

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

Hey, can you see Johan comin’?

Wow, his change-up is still stunnin’

Wah-ooo, wah-ooo.

Wah-ooo.  Wait and see!

My Johan’s back; he's getting back his reputation

(Hey la, hey la, my Johan’s back)

The NL East is gonna get an education

(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend’s back)

Hey, my Johan’s back!  (Hey la!)

Hey, my Johan’s back!  (Hey la!)

Hey, my Johan’s…

BACK!

(Wah-ooo…)

Are You Ready For Some Baseball?

The Mets will raise the curtain on their 2011 season tonight against the Florida Marlins, the team that finished ahead of them by one game in the 2010 National League East standings and won one too many games against them at the end of the 2007 and 2008 seasons. Despite the fact that most prognosticators (including this spherical one) have the Mets finishing around the .500 mark and no higher than third place, does that mean fans should give up on the season before the Opening Day player introductions are made?

Opening Day is the one day of the season when all teams are tied for first place, when every team believes this will be THEIR year. The Mets are no different. Why can't the Mets compete in the National League East or for the wild card? When the umpire tells the players to "play ball", is he writing it on paper? No, he is not. That's because the games aren't played on paper. So when everyone concedes the division to the Phillies and their R2C2 pitching staff (Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels), they're doing it because they're the sexiest team on paper. When so-called experts say teams like the Braves, Cardinals, Brewers, Padres and Rockies are all going to be contending for the wild card (if not their division title) come September, they're doing so on the proverbial paper.

No one foresaw the San Francisco Giants winning the World Series last year. They had good pitching, but they still had an offense that rivaled the 2009 Mets in futility, at least from a power standpoint. During the season, their good pitching became great and their supposed lack of power produced eight players who finished in double digits in home runs. The same could be said for the Cincinnati Reds. The Reds hadn't made the playoffs since 1995 and hadn't been a serious contender since the Mets eliminated them in a one-game playoff for the 1999 National League wild card berth. They had good hitters, but atrocious pitching. How did people know this? Because they saw it "on paper". Naturally, Cincinnati won the National League Central because their good hitting became exceptional, led by NL MVP Joey Votto, and their so-called atrocious pitching was actually better than decent.

What teams look like on paper don't always represent what they look like between the foul lines. A team might have a great offense "on paper" and then sputter on the field (see 2008 Detroit Tigers). Similarly, a team might think they have the makings of a fantastic pitching staff "on paper", but once those pitchers step on the mound, they pitch like Charlie Brown. (Does Generation K ring a bell?)

So the Mets look like a team that will finish in the middle of pack or lower in the National League East. That's what people are saying right now. On paper. What if Jose Reyes reverts to his 2008 form, especially now that he's playing for a contract? What if Angel Pagan continues to improve in all aspects of his game and hits .300 with 15 HR and 40 SB, while winning the Gold Glove? What if Carlos Beltran stays on the field all season and plays like a man who's in his walk year? What if more of Ike Davis' bombs target the Shea Bridge and the Pepsi Porch? What if Jason Bay only misses one week and comes back as Jason Bay, pre-2010? What if R.A. Dickey wasn't a fluke and shows what he can do over a full season instead of just 26 starts as he did last season? What if the other members of the Brainy Bunch (Chris Young and Chris Capuano) give the Mets a combined 50 starts and pitch the way they're capable of pitching when they're healthy? And I haven't even mentioned Johan Santana...

On paper, the Mets probably can't compete with the Phillies and some of the wild card contenders. But when they take the field tonight against the Marlins, that paper will have found its way into the shredder. It won't matter what people think the Mets are going to do. The Mets will go as far as their players will take them. That's the beauty of baseball. Any team can surprise the experts, especially those experts with lifetime subscriptions to "the paper". Maybe it will be the Mets, maybe it'll be another team.

Don't give up hope just because some paper says we should. Just sit back, relax and enjoy watching the Mets as they try to make the authors of the paper eat their words.

Happy Opening Day, everyone!

Mets Stroke Johnson To Continue Opening Day Dominance

On a gorgeous day for baseball, the Mets played their home opener hoping to erase their bitter memories of the 2009 season. They provided the fans with quite a show, as they defeated the Marlins and their nemesis, Josh Johnson, by the score of 7-1.

That 7-1 score matches Johnson's new career record against the Mets, as the Mets had not been able to defeat the Marlins' hurler until today. Johnson had always been a master at baiting the Mets into swinging prematurely. Prior to today, the Mets and their bats appeared to shrivel and hide against Johnson, who was undefeated against the Mets in nine career starts. It took ten attempts, but the Mets finally exploded against Johnson, climaxing with a four-run sixth inning.

The Mets didn't take long to bring the Flushing Faithful to its feet. After a 1-2-3 inning by Johan Santana in the top of the first, David Wright took a juicy Johnson offering and deposited it over the right field fence, barely staying on the fair side of the not-so-foul pole. It left Wright only nine home runs short of last year's total, but more importantly, it gave the Mets the early 2-0 lead.

After Santana and Johnson put up zeroes over the next four innings, the Marlins finally got to 'Han the Man in the top of the sixth.

With Chris Coghlan on base, Jorge Cantu lined a shot down the left field line. There was no question that the ball was fair, but the call at second left a little to be desired. As shown by the photo below, second base umpire Jeff Nelson was so enthralled by Luis Castillo's orange wristbands that he missed Castillo's tag of Cantu for what should have been the third out of the inning.

Studious Metsimus tried to get an interview with the vision-impaired umpire but was turned away. However, our gossip reporters found a way inside the umpires' dressing room and overheard this conversation.

"I hadn't seen wristbands like that since Tsuyoshi Shinjo played here. How could I not be fascinated by them?"

We tend to believe our outstanding gossip reporters, so lay off Luis Castillo for not selling the play to the umpire. Also, stop bringing up the fact that he didn't use two hands to tag Cantu. That bit is getting as old as Jamie Moyer.

The Mets went into the bottom of the sixth inning with the slimmest of leads, but a 2-1 game quickly turned into a 6-1 lead, thanks to some first base follies by the Marlins.

On a day in which four military members sang the National Anthem, the Mets paid tribute in their own way. First, Sgt. Bay of The Yukon tripled to lead off the inning, followed by a walk to Pvt. Matthews. The walk to Gary Matthews Jr. was the last issued by Josh Johnson, as he was replaced by Clay Hensley.

After a Jeff Francoeur sacrifice fly plated the Poutine Patriot, Hensley tried to pick off Pvt. Matthews at first base, but threw wildly to first baseman Gaby Sanchez, allowing Matthews to scamper to second base. He later scored on a double by Rod Barajas, making the score 4-1. A single by pinch-hitter Angel Pagan brought Barajas home and led to a quick shower for Hensley.

On came Dan Meyer to put out the fire. Of course, he decided to put it out with gasoline and got burned. It looked as if Angel Pagan had run himself into another baserunning blunder when he was caught running towards second base by Meyer. However, error #2 at base #1 pushed Pagan over to third base. Alex Cora then drove in Pagan with a groundout to short.

Since bad news always comes in threes, Luis Castillo reached first base safely when Gaby Sanchez committed the third Marlin error of the inning. The third error did not result in more scoring, as David Wright flied out to left field to end the inning.

Here's a quick recap of the final three innings. One tack-on run by the Mets, two solid innings of relief by Fernando Nieve and everyone's fav'rit Reservoir Dog, Mr. Pink(eye), coming out of the bullpen to put the game in the books.

As seen in the photo above, the post-game celebration led to an interesting discovery. Apparently, Mets' first base coach Razor Shines is a fan of the robot. When Mr. Pink(eye) tried to do his usual jump n' bump with Shines, he was surprised to see the coach in the middle of doing a celebratory robot dance. If this becomes a new tradition at Citi Field, similar to the pogoing at the plate done by players after a walkoff home run, you can thank the Razor for it.

With today's win, the Mets continue their Opening Day mastery. They have now won 32 out of their last 41 Opening Day games. More importantly, they were finally able to defeat Josh Johnson for the first time. Juan Marichal can now rest easily. His 19-0 record against the Mets to start his career will not be surpassed by Josh Johnson.

Johan Santana was on the mound and back to his winning ways. David Wright re-discovered his power stroke. The new additions (Sgt. Bay of The Yukon, Pvt. Matthews and Draft Dodger Rod Barajas) were at attention and served Mets Nation well. Baseball is back at Citi Field and we can't be any happier.

Notes and anecdotes: The Mets premiered their new cream-colored home uniforms today. They are now 1-0 in those jerseys, putting that uniform one game ahead of the Mercury Mets in the all-time jersey standings.

As is customary on Opening Day, each member of the team (including coaches and other on-field personnel) was introduced in a pre-game ceremony. Almost every person introduced was greeted with cheers. Who were the loudest boos reserved for? All of the trainers and physical therapists.

Darryl Strawberry threw out the ceremonial first pitch before a rousing ovation. Had Dwight Gooden not gotten into trouble with New Jersey's Finest, perhaps he would have been tabbed to throw out the season's first pitch.

Opening Day Is Upon Us! Something's Gotta Give!

The Mets have completed their Spring Training schedule and are now en route to New York. They will make an appearance at Citi Field tomorrow for their annual pre-season workout (Studious Metsimus will be attending) before taking the field on Monday for Opening Day against the Florida Marlins.

Johan Santana will be making his third consecutive Opening Day start for the Mets, but his first at Citi Field, as the Mets opened on the road in 2008 and 2009. He will be opposed by Marlins' ace, Josh Johnson, who has fared well since selling his soul to Satan for the right to make the Mets his personal b*tch*s.

Since Johnson signed his pact with Beelzebub, he has gone 7-0 against the Mets in nine career starts. This includes a 3-0 record against New York in 2009 over four starts. In addition to the perfect record, his ERA against the Mets is 2.30 and his WHIP is 1.09. His career numbers against other teams is slightly more pedestrian (27-16 won-loss record, 3.56 ERA, 1.32 WHIP).

The Mets, on the other hand, have the best Opening Day record in baseball. Since making their debut in 1962, the Mets have gone 31-17 on Opening Day, despite the fact that they lost first eight season openers. Since winning the World Series in 1969, the Mets are an astounding 31-9 in Game 1 of the season. They've been more Amazin' at home in that time period, winning 17 of their last 19 Opening Day home games. (I still haven't forgiven you, Tom Glavine, for that 15-2 shellacking at the hands of the Chicago Cubs on Opening Day 2003. You started your Mets career similarly to the way you ended it!)

Something has to give on Monday. Will Josh Johnson continue his dominance against the Mets? Will Johan Santana be able to extend the Mets' mastery of Opening Day games?



Last year, we got a delicious taste of what a Santana-Johnson pitching duel was like. On April 12, Johan Santana was brilliant against the Marlins, striking out 13 batters in seven innings of work. He allowed only three hits and walked one, but that walk came around to score when Daniel Murphy dropped a routine fly ball in left field. Murphy's fielding gaffe was followed by Ronny Paulino's run-scoring single, giving the Marlins the only two runs they scored on the day.

Unfortunately, Santana was tagged with the loss in that game, as Josh Johnson pitched a complete game against the Mets. Johnson allowed one run on five hits, also walking only one batter.

But that game was last year. 2010 is all about new beginnings. For the Mets, it's time to shake off the ghosts that haunted them throughout the 2009 season. They can't continue to hide under the skirt of injuries when they need an excuse for their latest poor performance. They must come out strong and show the "experts" that predictions of another fourth-place finish were grossly miscalculated.

It all begins with Santana vs. Johnson on Opening Day. Giving Josh Johnson his first career loss against the Mets could be the first of many positive things the Mets could do this year. Start at the beginning and finish on top. Is that formula so difficult to follow? PLAY BALL!