Studious Metsimus Presents The Happy/Crappy Recap For 2009

It's the end of another year and Studious Metsimus would like to recap 2009 for you, followed by a thank you to some of our special readers and fellow bloggers who helped make Studious Metsimus what it is today.

It all began so well for the Mets in 2009. Then the Star-Spangled Banner was sung on Opening Day and everything fell apart. Injury after injury turned into loss after loss and the Mets could only manage a 70-92 record, good for fourth place in the NL East.

To make matters worse, Mets fans were subjected to the Doomsday World Series between the Yankees and the Phillies. Some major retooling had to be done after the World Series was completed and the Mets almost waited for 2009 to end before they made any noise in the free agent market, finally acquiring Jason Bay before the calendar changed to 2010.

The 2009 season saw the premiere of Citi Field with the Citi Kitty cursing the Mets on Opening Night. It also saw dropped popups, the Tony Bernazard Strongman Competition (probably seen on ESPN 2 sometime after 3 AM), the rise and fall of the Three Fernandos, David Wright's head-seeking missile and too many other moments that made this a forgettable season.

Fortunately, Studious Metsimus has something to be thankful for. To our readers such as Señor Solly, Satish, Jason, Efrain, Tracy and Anonymous (thank you to Anonymous for leaving the most comments), we'd like to thank you for your readership. You helped us surpass our goal of having two readers in 2009. Your comments were always appreciated and made us want to write more quality stories to hide the fact that the Mets really sucked this year.

To Kelly, thank you so much for designing the Studious Metsimus logo. It gave the site credibility that our excuse for writing would not have been able to get on its own. The writing got better once we said to ourselves, "Oh, crap! We look like a professional Mets blog. We'd better made the writing match the beautiful logo!"

To Denise, thank you for convincing us that we had some talent. Without your encouragement (and Kelly's as well), we wouldn't have started blogging on the Mets, first on Mets Merized Online, then expanding to Studious Metsimus.

To Joe D, thank you for giving us our first break. Without the opportunity you gave us, we never would have grown the cojones to start Studious Metsimus. We're waving our David Wright Pom Poms that we borrowed from Bayonne Mets Fan to show our appreciation for everything you've done for us.

To Jon and Lisa, thank you for teaching the two-member Studious Metsimus staff that sometimes squawking is the way to go to attract attention to our blog. Don't give up hope, Jon. We'll always have 1986. And Lisa, you may be the only Yankee fan who's cool in the eyes of Studious Metsimus. Even Joey thinks so!

Last, but certainly not least, we must give a shout out to Coop. For inspiring a number of blogs, for taking the Studious Metsimus staff on a tour of Citi Field, for being you...thank you. Hopefully, Joey will be able to persuade you to join the Studious Metsimus staff in 2010. You're a legend in the blogosphere and we'd love to have you!

From Joey and I, we'd like to wish you all the best for a happy and healthy 2010. Thank you for supporting Studious Metsimus and as always, LET'S GO METS !!

Ask Professeur Bay To Learn English, Canadian Style!

During Shea Stadium's last years, fans in attendance were treated to Jose Reyes attempting to teach them Spanish through his clever "Ask Professor Reyes" segments that were seen on DiamondVision between innings.

Once Reyes left the Mets lineup in 2009 due to his injury, Professor Reyes also waved goodbye. So who will teach the fans a foreign language in 2010? How about native Canadian Jason Bay?

If you've ever had a conversation with a Canadian, you've probably noticed that certain words don't sound the same to our American ears. All you have to do is listen to the songs of Anne Murray or Celine Dion to know that Canadian crap sounds different than American crap.

Studious Metsimus has decided to administer the oath to Jason Bay so that he can teach you the proper way to speak like a Canadian. Once he finishes taking his oath to be our new professor, he'll be ready to begin class. My Studious Metsimus colleague, Joey, will be Professeur Bay's first student.


Greetings, class! I'm Professeur Bay. Our first word today will be "about". Please repeat the following sentence.

"When I report to Citi Field, I will be the first person to be out and about on the playing field."

When I report to Citi Field, I will be the first person to be oot and aboot on the playing field.






Um, no. Let's move on to the next word. The next word is "sorry".

"I'm sorry that the Mets organization had so many injuries that kept them out of contention."

I'm sawry that the Mets organ-eye-zation had so many injuries that kept them oot of contention.






Now it sounds like you're making fun of me. Please don't take advantage of the fact that Canadians are painfully polite. It's very rude. Anyway, before we continue, I have a question for you. Do you like Popeye, the cartoon character?



Of course! Who doesn't like Popeye? But my favorite character is Wimpy. He's always eating burgers. I wish I could eat burgers all the time!





Oh, you like Wimpy. Okay. Do you remember what Wimpy would always say when he wanted burgers and was about to pay for them?




Of course I remember. But I get the feeling you're going to tell me anyway.







Give that bear a high five! Okay, here's your last word. I'll use it in that sentence Wimpy would say. Ready?





Grumble, grumble...








The word is "Tuesday".

"I'll gladly pay you a loony next Tuesday for a burger today."

What's a loony?








Sigh. It's what we call a dollar.








So why didn't you just call it that? And can I get some fries with that burger? Maybe add a little cheese and gravy on those fries?






You mean poutine?

Jigga what?

POUTINE!! That's what we call those fries you're looking for.

You know what? You're not supposed to eat in class anyway. Just say the sentence, eh?

I'll gladly pay you a loony next Tooz-dee for a burger today. But I'm not saying poo-tin, eh? Especially when all I want are fries with gravy and cheese.

Forget this gig! I'm leaving! Class dismissed!

Was it something I said? Should I have asked for Kraft Dinner instead?

This concludes our first and final installment of Ask Professeur Bay. If this got under Jason's skin, imagine what the New York media will do to him.

Oh, well. We can always persuade Jose Reyes back into the professor's chair. He's supposed to be healthy enough to teach, right? Well? Is he? Ay, caramba!

Tim Horton's Thrilled That Jason Bay Is A Met

Once Larry Walker retired from baseball, Canada needed another superstar baseball player to represent the country in the major leagues. After all, someone had to be able to sing the lyrics to "O, Canada" whenever a team played in Toronto. Enter the New York Mets' newest leftfielder, Jason Bay.

Although originally signed by Canada's first major league baseball team, the Montreal Expos, Jason Bay bounced around from team to team in the minor leagues. He exchanged his XXL Property of Montreal Expos T-shirt for a Mets shirt, which in turn became a San Diego Padres shirt, which in turn became a Pittsburgh Pirates shirt. It was in Pittsburgh that Bay became a household name in a household not run by the Bay Family.

After hitting at least 20 HR in five consecutive seasons for the Pirates, Bay had his best season for the Red Sox in 2009, when he hit 36 HR and collected 119 RBI. Now that he has re-acquired his Property of New York Mets T-shirt (Thanks, eBay for helping your cousin Jason Bay out), Madison Avenue will be knock-knock-knockin' on Jason's door.

Apparently, Canada's answer to Dunkin' Donuts (Tim Horton's) is jumping into the Bay fray, eh. In addition to making some excellent coffee, Tim Horton's is known for their delicious donuts and Timbits (see photo at the top of this blog). It has become the largest restaurant chain in Canada and has now expanded into eleven states south of the Canadian border, including New York.

Left field was where legends played at Shea Stadium. From Benny Agbayani to Tsuyoshi Shinjo, there was no shortage of talent in left field for the Mets. It's no secret that it's because of Shinjo that David Wright chose to wore #5 to honor the great Mets leftfielder.

To honor those greats who patrolled the vast left field expanse at Shea Stadium, the Mets and Dunkin' Donuts erected a large iced coffee cup to stand beyond the left field wall near the foul line.

Unfortunately, thanks to the photo below by Erik Goldstein, when Shea Stadium was torn down, the tribute to the leftfielders wasn't brought along to Citi Field. (Dang you, Wilpons for failing to notice that this was an important piece of Mets history!)

Tim Horton's is now trying to right a wrong. They are trying to bring a taste of Shea Stadium back to Citi Field. At the same time, they wanted to honor their fellow Canadian.

It is with great Canadian pride that Studious Metsimus announces that through a joint venture by the Mets and Tim Horton's, a large box of Timbits will be placed in the left field corner at Citi Field.

Since Section 133 was complaining that they were one of the few sections at Citi Field that didn't have any unobstructed views of the field, the box will be placed there so that no Mets fan will miss out on that classic Citi Field obstructed view.

Construction is set to begin once the Mets Hall of Fame and Museum is completed. Now that's what I'm talkin' aboot!

Baywatch Canceled; Mets Fans Thrilled, Hasselhoff Still Drunk

The Mets finally got their man. The beaches of Flushing are now safe thanks to Jason Bay patrolling its shores.

With a four-year, $66 million offer, the left field problem has now been solved and the Mets can move on to filling their other holes now that the Baywatch is no longer on the air.

Reactions from fans to the Bay signing has been mostly positive. Here are samples from some of them:


Joey B. from the Bronx: It's about time the Mets fixed their leak in left field. I'll be sitting in Section 138 next year and look forward to seeing Jason Bay up close and personal. I just hope he doesn't do anything special while I'm standing on line at Shake Shack for three innings or so.

Jerry S. from Long Island: Did you ever notice that Omar Minaya waits for holidays to acquire big names? Johan Santana was signed on Groundhog Day in 2008 and Pedro Martinez was acquired after Thanksgiving in 2004. Does that mean we should expect Bengie Molina on New Year's Day and another starting pitcher will be a Met on Martin Luther King Day? It looks like I'll be having a Happy Festivus indeed!

Tim R. from Hollywood: I'm glad the Mets made this acquisition. It takes the sting away from my breakup with my long-term partner, Sue. Did you know that we were together since 1986, the last year the Mets won the World Series? By the way, I heard the Mets are also looking for a pitcher and a catcher. My buddy, Crash, and I might be what you're looking for. You bloggers have some pull with the team, right?


Jay and S. Bob from Leonardo, NJ: My hetero-lifemate and I once smoked a fatty with Jason Bay before he came to the states from Canada. We were standing outside a Tim Horton's, he came by and bickety-bam. Before you know it, he was making waves in the majors, Berserker-style. Snoogans. Dude still owes me an Egg-A-Mooby Muffin, though.

David H. from the Betty Ford Clinic: Why is everyone making such a big deal about this? Is he big in Germany? No. I am! All this talk about Baywatch being canceled is making me sick. Now get me another burger and a beer! Hiccup!


There you have it, my friends. To recap, Jason Bay is a Met. Fans from Section 138 to some guy who asks too many questions to a few stoners who made a Quick Stop to talk to Studious Metsimus even though they weren't supposed to be here to a drunkard who claims to have been big in Germany all have their opinions on the signing. At least we finally have something to talk about!

Now excuse me while I calm down that David H. guy. Apparently, he's saying something about some Pamela A. chick and her beach volleyballs. At least, that's what I think he's saying.

Merry Christmas From Studious Metsimus

From the staff at Studious Metsimus to all of you, we wish you and your families best wishes for a safe and healthy Christmas.

We hope you got all the toys you asked Santa for. If you asked for a dependable starting pitcher, Santa accidentally dropped those over Philadelphia and Boston while he was on the way to New York.

If you asked for Jason Bay, Santa left him behind at his workshop. His elves have texted him and he will be making a return trip to the North Pole to put Bay in his sack. However, his flight pattern is taking him over Boston again, so you never know if he'll "accidentally" drop him over Beantown again.

Something tells me Santa's been hitting the egg nog a little too much. I hope Omar sobers him up in time for him to make a Christmas delivery to Citi Field before it's too late!

Pitching In For The Tug McGraw Foundation

Frank Edwin McGraw, Jr. made his major league debut for the New York Mets in 1965. He was not very effective as a starting pitcher so in 1969, he became a reliever on a full-time basis. Unfortunately, he did not pitch in the 1969 World Series even though he collected 12 saves during the regular season.

After a few mediocre seasons, the Mets appeared to be headed down that same path in 1973. Then the man known to all as Tug fired up the team and its fans when he reminded everyone that the season was not yet over. "Ya Gotta Believe" became the mantra for the underdog Mets as they went from last place in August to winning the division title the day after the regular season ended.

The magic continued in the playoffs as the Mets eliminated heavily favored Cincinnati in the National League Championship Series and took the defending champion Athletics to the seventh game of the World Series before ultimately succumbing to Oakland.

When Tug McGraw was traded from the Mets to the Philadelphia Phillies after the 1974 season, he was the franchise leader in saves and games pitched, a mark which is now held by another lefty who wore #45, John Franco.

McGraw helped the Phillies win their first ever World Series in 1980, recording the final out of the sixth and deciding game against another team seeking their first championship, the Kansas City Royals. He pitched four more seasons in Philadelphia, retiring after the 1984 season.

Fast forward to 2003. It was on March 12 that McGraw received the shocking news that he had a malignant, inoperable brain tumor. Although he was only given weeks to live, he managed to live throughout 2003 before finally passing away on January 5, 2004.

Before his death, the Tug McGraw Foundation was established. Its mission is to enhance the quality of life for children and adults with brain tumors and to raise awareness and money for brain tumor research. (Recently, the Foundation was expanded to include Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Traumatic Brain Injury.)

In 2003, just months before he passed away, Tug McGraw was in attendance at Shea Stadium. He was signing autographs along with former Met second baseman Felix Millan at the Fan Fest that was held prior to weekend games at Shea. I was in attendance that day, but noticed McGraw and Millan after they had signed their last autographs. I was disappointed, feeling that I had missed my chance to meet McGraw, a man who pitched before my time but was very much a part of what made me into the Mets fan I am today.

As he was leaving, the Tugger picked up a T-shirt that was being given away that day and flung it out to the crowd. (Although he was a southpaw, I'll never forget that he tossed it into the crowd with his right hand.) Guess who caught that shirt?

No, it wasn't Joey who caught the shirt. He hadn't even been born yet! He just likes doing his Vanna White impersonation whenever there's a photo op. The shirt above is the one Tug McGraw threw into the crowd that I was fortunate enough to catch. To this day, I have never worn the shirt since his fingerprints are still on it.

Note the "Believe" logo (after Tug's famous phrase) on the shirt, directly over the depiction of a Mets Master Card. If you have a Mets Master Card (or any credit card), perhaps you'd like to make a donation to the Tug McGraw Foundation.

Sharon Chapman, a friend of the Studious Metsimus staff, will be running in the 2010 ING New York City Marathon to raise money for the Tug McGraw Foundation. Her goal is to raise $3,000 for brain tumor research. Please help Sharon reach her goal by clicking here and making a donation to Team McGraw.

Tug McGraw was a hero to many Mets fans during his tenure with the team. Almost six years after his passing, he is still a hero to many people who are benefiting from the progress being made in brain tumor research due to the Tug McGraw Foundation.

In 1973, Tug McGraw brazenly proclaimed "Ya Gotta Believe" to all the world. With your help, ya gotta believe that the quality of life will improve for people with brain tumors. From all of us at Studious Metsimus, we'd like to thank you for helping Sharon reach her goal and for your support of the Tug McGraw Foundation. We believe. So should you!

A Chipmunk Christmas Song For Omar Minaya

Season's greetings, SMFs! The Studious Metsimus staff (all two of us) would like to wish our readers (all two of you) best wishes for a happy and healthy holiday season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Festivus, the holidays are always a special time to reflect on the events of the past year.

At Studious Metsimus, we'd like to reflect on the Hot Stove season. Rumor has it that it's better to give than to receive, so we'd like to give Omar Minaya a special song that we hope he receives.

It's a song parody of the classic Christmas song by the Chipmunks. You may know it by its given name, "The Chipmunk Song". Hopefully, between signing every member of the Phi Catcha Catcha fraternity and singing his favorite "once we get our guys back" ditty (Thanks, Joe D), Omar Minaya will realize that Mets fans don't give a sh*t about the opening of the Catchers' Warehouse unless they open an annex next to it that specializes in Hollidays and Bays. Enjoy the song!

All right, you SMFs! Ready to sing your song?
I'll say we are!
F*ck Yeah!
Let's sing it now!

Okay, Solly?

Okay!





Okay, George Theodore?

Okay!






Okay, Taryn? Taryn?
TARYN!!!

Okay!



Christmas, Christmas time is here.
Time to sign Bay for five years.
We're not good, but we're not last.
Hurry, Omar, sign Bay fast.
No more throwing us for a loop
Or else the next GM'll be Coop.
We can't stand you having us wait.
Please sign Bay, don't be late!

No more treating fans like poop.
Don't incur the wrath of Coop.
Omar, hope we set you straight.
Please sign Bay, don't be late!
Move your ass or accept your fate.
Please sign Bay, don't be late!

Don't give us that look, Omar! You brought this upon yourself. You felt the need to sign Chris Coste and Henry Blanco while the Red Sox were pouncing on John Lackey and the Phillies were scooping up Roy Halladay.

The song above is not as much a parody as it is a statement echoed by Mets fans everywhere. We must not have a repeat of the 2009 season. You must do whatever it takes to improve this team.

If Mets fans don't get a power hitter like Jason Bay in their Christmas stockings, you will be forever known as the Bay/Omar Butcher. I'm sure you know what will happen to you if the team doesn't improve dramatically next season. It'll be far worse than just incurring the wrath of Coop.

On that note, I can't think of a better time to wish all our readers a Merry Christmas! The Studious Metsimus staff want you to be safe this holiday season so you can come back in one piece for the 2010 season. Wish we could say the same about Omar Minaya...

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL, LET'S GO METS !!!!