Get Ready For The Mets Broadcast About Nothing

Did you hear the one about the comedian and the former first baseman who called a baseball game for the New York Mets? No? Well, come Wednesday night, you will.

According to today's New York Post, legendary comedian and lifelong Mets fan Jerry Seinfeld will join Keith Hernandez and Gary Cohen in the broadcast booth for at least three innings (and maybe more).

SNY's vice president of production, Curt Gowdy said the following regarding Seinfeld's appearance on the telecast:

"Jerry is scheduled for the top of the third inning, for at least three innings, and more if he wants to do more . . . There's no set script."

In addition, SNY also plans to air clips from the classic Seinfeld episode, "The Boyfriend", in which Keith Hernandez played himself in a prominent role. Keith and Jerry will also be discussing their experiences working together on the episode.

As a Seinfeld fan, I was ecstatic to hear about the "reunion" of Jerry Seinfeld and Keith Hernandez and wondered what it would be like to have other Seinfeld cast members appearing on Mets telecasts. Then I thought of all the potential disasters that could cause (especially with the hipster doofus himself, Kramer) and instead came up with a Top Ten list of why Jerry Seinfeld should be the only cast member to appear in the broadcast booth. Enjoy!


TOP TEN REASONS WHY NO OTHER SEINFELD CAST MEMBER SHOULD EVER DO PLAY-BY-PLAY FOR THE METS

10. When the camera pans into the booth, there is a chance it could catch Elaine dancing.

9. Newman would run off with Keith Hernandez's Tootsie Pops.

8. Upon entering the booth, Kramer would trip and take down the entire set.

7. George would mistakenly refer to the Mets as the Moops.

6. Fear that a bad call by an umpire would elicit a "No Soup For You" comment from the booth.

5. Kramer and Newman would spend the telecast plotting their revenge against Roger McDowell for his magic loogie. (Well, Newman would...)

4. Frank Costanza would repeatedly interrupt Gary Cohen to extol the virtues of Festivus.

3. Elaine would spend too much air time trying to determine if David Wright is spongeworthy.

2. No backup plan for when Newman spends three innings standing in line at Shake Shack instead of doing play-by-play.

...and the number one reason why no other Seinfeld cast member should ever do play-by-play for the Mets is:

1. Too much discussion on whether Keith Hernandez was ever master of his domain.


Be sure to tune in on Wednesday night to see the Mets play the Detroit Tigers at Citi Field. Of course, you were probably going to tune in anyway to see our beloved Mets as they continue to make a push towards the top of the National League East standings. But now you have another reason to watch.

Jerry Seinfeld and Keith Hernandez made a great team back in the '90s on a classic episode of Seinfeld. Now they'll be together again when they share the spotlight with Gary Cohen during Wednesday night's telecast. It should be a true SNY Mets classic...not that there's anything wrong with that.

Baywatch Canceled; Mets Fans Thrilled, Hasselhoff Still Drunk

The Mets finally got their man. The beaches of Flushing are now safe thanks to Jason Bay patrolling its shores.

With a four-year, $66 million offer, the left field problem has now been solved and the Mets can move on to filling their other holes now that the Baywatch is no longer on the air.

Reactions from fans to the Bay signing has been mostly positive. Here are samples from some of them:


Joey B. from the Bronx: It's about time the Mets fixed their leak in left field. I'll be sitting in Section 138 next year and look forward to seeing Jason Bay up close and personal. I just hope he doesn't do anything special while I'm standing on line at Shake Shack for three innings or so.

Jerry S. from Long Island: Did you ever notice that Omar Minaya waits for holidays to acquire big names? Johan Santana was signed on Groundhog Day in 2008 and Pedro Martinez was acquired after Thanksgiving in 2004. Does that mean we should expect Bengie Molina on New Year's Day and another starting pitcher will be a Met on Martin Luther King Day? It looks like I'll be having a Happy Festivus indeed!

Tim R. from Hollywood: I'm glad the Mets made this acquisition. It takes the sting away from my breakup with my long-term partner, Sue. Did you know that we were together since 1986, the last year the Mets won the World Series? By the way, I heard the Mets are also looking for a pitcher and a catcher. My buddy, Crash, and I might be what you're looking for. You bloggers have some pull with the team, right?


Jay and S. Bob from Leonardo, NJ: My hetero-lifemate and I once smoked a fatty with Jason Bay before he came to the states from Canada. We were standing outside a Tim Horton's, he came by and bickety-bam. Before you know it, he was making waves in the majors, Berserker-style. Snoogans. Dude still owes me an Egg-A-Mooby Muffin, though.

David H. from the Betty Ford Clinic: Why is everyone making such a big deal about this? Is he big in Germany? No. I am! All this talk about Baywatch being canceled is making me sick. Now get me another burger and a beer! Hiccup!


There you have it, my friends. To recap, Jason Bay is a Met. Fans from Section 138 to some guy who asks too many questions to a few stoners who made a Quick Stop to talk to Studious Metsimus even though they weren't supposed to be here to a drunkard who claims to have been big in Germany all have their opinions on the signing. At least we finally have something to talk about!

Now excuse me while I calm down that David H. guy. Apparently, he's saying something about some Pamela A. chick and her beach volleyballs. At least, that's what I think he's saying.